Yesterday was lovely – my Three Years Sober celebration day! I felt very happy and proud of myself all day, and quietly grounded in my lovely new sober lifestyle which I appreciate so very much.
It was a pretty ordinary Saturday really, hanging out with my boys, a bit of cooking, a trip to a local school fair, some housework of course, out to a cafe for hot chips and celebration drinks in the afternoon, home to put onesies on at 4pm and watch the new Doctor Who, chicken noodle soup and toast for dinner, story books and cuddles at bedtime. Ordinary stuff.
Ordinary yet extraordinary.
I was hyper-aware all day of my glorious little gold nugget of truth that I have tucked away inside me. My glorious little gold nugget of truth about how I’ve turned my life around and beaten a booze addiction to the curb. That glorious little gold nugget of truth is mine and mine alone. It’s private.
I know this sounds unusual because I’ve chosen to be a visible person in recovery, so in many ways my truth is anything but private. For goodness sake I’m wide open to the entire world about my boozing story and recovery – I blab on about it constantly!
But despite this openness I hold that nugget of truth very close. It is private because it’s mine. No-one can touch that place inside of me, because it’s about my relationship with myself.
You know how I talked in my last post about feeling like a piece of shit when I was at the end of my boozing career? Well now I’m sober I don’t feel like a piece of shit. I feel proud of myself. I have healed my relationship with myself.
And that’s what getting sober was about for me – healing my relationship with myself. I got the booze out of my life and healed myself. Slowly but surely through hard work and practice I have restored my feelings of self-worth.
So many of you wonderful Living Sober members are right now grinding through the hard work to heal yourselves. It’s very inspiring and incredibly humbling to witness you all digging deep and going there. I’m standing on the sidelines with my pom-pons cheering you all along. Go you good things!!
It takes time, and it is hard work – there’s no doubt about it. It’s hard bloody work facing up to ourselves and adjusting to life-in-the-raw. But slowly, little by little, we can learn how to do it and we can heal.
And we can all grow little gold nuggets of truth.. little private gold nuggets that we can hold close and look after. It’s a beautiful jewel to own, trust me.
Love, Mrs D xxx