Dear Person on Day One

Saturday 22 Apr, 2017, 1:29pm by Mrs D 91 comments

Welcome to a very special day – the first day of the rest of your life!

I know that’s a terrible cliche but image that it’s true. Imagine that from today things start to really turn around for you. Imagine that today heralds the start of a massive period of self-growth. Imagine that today you set a new more positive course for your life. Imagine if today you say goodbye to all that angst and misery that alcohol has given you.

Day Ones are hard. They’re also rather exciting. My Day One was both. It started at 3am when I awoke sick as a dog and full of misery (and probably half cut from all the wine I drank the night before). I cried on and off through the morning and felt like utter shit.  I slowly rehydrated and recovered from my alcohol excesses and was left just feeling tired and flat. I  went to bed early in a less-than-chirpy mood.

But my Day One was also quietly fabulous. In the depths of my despair I made a big and exciting decision that this was it. No more drinking. No more alcohol in my life – ever. Despite my self-esteem being shot I managed to tap into the wise, brave and strong part of me that desperately wanted to get out. I summoned enough grit to write myself a letter that set out my intention to learn how to live sober. I got a whiff of change and I believed that change could come.

I only ever had one Day One. But that’s not how it goes for everyone. Some people have a couple. Some people have many – they’re the really brave ones. They keep coming back, keep trying again to tap into that wise, brave and strong part of themselves that is desperate for change. They keep proclaiming ‘Today is Day One’.

I don’t care if you’re on your first Day One or your fiftieth Day One – you are welcome here. And whether today is your first Day One or your fiftieth Day One it might just be the one to finally stick. So tomorrow will be Day Two, and so on and so on. One day at a time you will carve out a new life.

A sober life. Not a life free from sadness and pain – that sort of life doesn’t exist – but a life grounded in truth and honesty and bravery.

So Dear Person on Day One – I salute you.  I am excited for you. I know what hard work it is going to take for you to move through the days ahead but believe me when I say: It is so, so, so worth it.

And one day in the future you’ll look back and be thankful for this Day One, just like I’m thankful for mine.

91 comments

  1. I’m back to day one. I made it six days and the monkey in my mind won the argument this time. I’m trying not to be mad at myself, I’m trying to understand and support myself. Why is that so hard? My power was out yesterday, so I went an entire day without Mrs. D’s blog. Won’t let that happen again. Time to get her on my phone too.

    Happy day,

    0
  2. Thank you for the welcome, I’m feeling sad and angry and overwhelmed and a bit hopeless today, I gave up alcohol 2 years ago on november 1st and lasted nearly 6 months, through Christmas and everything but convinced myself that I could just have a few every weekend obut not go back to everyday drinking, my friends all helped me see I had never had a problem in the first place, always limited myself and just had a few most nights like everyone else in this crazy world.
    Of course I was wrong, I’m back in the trap, dri.king everynight, obsessing and thinking about it all the time, battling anxiety, guilt and wanting to be a better person for myself and my kids so hello day one and hello to all ye brave people out there on your journies xxx

    0
    1. How you doing, Dancingdream9? You are not alone. I am a chronic relapser wanting a forever sober life. I have told myself so many times that I can go back to drinking normally after 1 year sober, than again after 1.5 years sober, 3 years sober and most recently another year sober. It never ever works and I always always end up back in the same place you are talking about. RRM

      0
  3. hi.

    this is my ‘day one’ (not my first day one).

    I accidently found this site. I was trying desperately to reach out to a local organisation and when all I got was a voicemail . . . I cried.

    I know the world doesn’t revolve around me and my problems, but I felt like “dear God, I won’t make it if someone doesn’t help me”

    I don’t know how I’ll go this time, but I’m actually feeling positive (right now anyway).

    I just really wanted to say a HUGE thank you to all of you that have shared your stories. you have helped me get through day one, and for that I am extremely grateful.

    XXXXXXX

    0
  4. I have Day 1′s constantly. Sometimes daily….once I lasted a full year. This is a bumpy road I am traveling on….my vulnerabilities sometimes get the best of me …… I will keep coming until my very last Day 1
    That is the honest truth for today.

    0
  5. OMG. I heard about this site on the Bubble Hour podcast today. I can’t believe what I am reading. So grateful to be here. Thanks for all who shared. Day 1, Moon

    0
  6. It’s a great site but honestly I think you are missing out on all the people who initially just want to cut back on their drinking. Maybe they need to not drink at all, but where they are at now is not the mindset of “I’m never going to drink again.” Surely there are more people out there who think this other than me??

    0
  7. Hi there

    Zillions of Day 1′s – I have had. I stopped today at 12 midday 3hrs and 10mins ago. Feel utter despair and self hatred. Have had long sober periods so I know the other side of this. How it is to feel alright about self and life.
    Anyways. Here I go again.

    0
  8. It was so nice to slink back here, with my head down in shame, and then to be greeted by this welcoming post. Thank you; it makes my heart happy to be back here in this supportive place, and back on my own sober path. You are the best.

    0
  9. Thank you Mrs D for this site. And for everyone in the community who has posted so far. All my other Day 1′s have been with me alone. Feels better to share xx

    0
  10. Today is my fourth day one. This is it. Tired of filling the vodka bottle to hide how much I’ve had. How ridiculous. I know it won’t be easy but I can do this. Time for some reflection and some work on myself.

    0
  11. I’m so thankful for this site and that I found it. So many times in the last few years I have promised myself that I will stop drinking and so many times I have let myself and others down. I know I have to give up drinking completely. I no longer have control over alcohol and it is a poison that is ruining my life and hurting those close to me..
    While I’ve known for a while that I have a problem, I hadn’t admitted how bad it was until tonight after reading others stories, so many of which could be mine.
    No more, today is my day one.

    0
  12. Today is my DAY ONE. Feeling a little lonely and afraid. This morning I felt like it was going to be ok, But all of a sudden, after texting with my soon to be ex husband, I’m feeling even more alone. I have to go to a staff dinner tonight and I just want to make it through without drinking any alcohol. But I’m feeling so sad and nervous right now.

    0
  13. I’ve lost count of my day one’s. I feel utterly and completely helpless over my compulsion to drink. Am I just one of those lost cases?

    0
    1. Hi Clarke;
      You are not alone. We can all do this. Today is day 4 for me. It is not easy but I beleave better days are ahead. We need to resist the evil and fight every hours every minutes every seconds of its calls.
      I started many times day One. I want to fight the shame, the sadness, the loss of dream and hope, the feeling of useless and not worthy. So many things we lose with the addiction but finding and starting the journey to living sober bring a smile on my face and so much compassion toward people who are struggling… like me.

      0
  14. I have had a few Day Ones, but I am determined to make this my last one. I feel completely overwhelmed with my hectic life, and feel like I should be working on other things right now. But I know I need to find some support, and I am glad I found this site. I could hardly get my child to school this morning thanks to the monster hangover I had from my nightly bottle or two of wine. I want more for myself. I need to make this change for myself, and my family. My daughter and husband deserve more from me. It’s time to gather up all the strength I have left and work towards being healthy again.

    0
  15. This is my first proper day. Had many half-hearted attempts, but something feels different. I’ve had enough of the early morning dread-filled wake-ups, questioning myself as to why I couldn’t stop. I’m fed up of glaring at my dinner guests wineglasses to make sure there’s enough left for me. I’m fed up of ‘that voice’, urging me on, teling me ‘just one more, or ‘go on, treat yourself’. I’m fed up of having stomach cramps, headaches and being almost permanently tired. Reading this blog and Mrs D’s book made me realise that I’m not alone and that by confronting this devil, I’m taking back my life and have nothing to be ashamed of. Not any more. This is my first day, I will hold onto those reasons why I will no longer drink. I wish you all the very best of luck xx

    0
  16. Today is day one of this particular round of drying up. I was sober for a few months last year and it felt really great and then I lied to myself that I would never drink to the point of changing my personality. I would drink in ‘moderation’. Well I guess I did more than I didn’t, but there have still been more than a few instances that I turn into someone I don’t like. Someone I hate, actually. The first time I ‘quit’ drinking it was because my husband and I drove drunk with my son in the car, got pulled over, and let go. I felt such shame. I can’t even describe it. Omg. I have decided to get sober (and hopefully stay sober) this time because (among other things) I went to card game, got totally drunk, talked terrible crap about my husband to people he sees all of the time and then DROVE home. I have a 3 mo. old and a 2 year old. Not only could I not take care of my 3 mo. old, but we were taking my 2 year old somewhere special the following morning. I knew this and had been looking forward to it for a long time. Instead of enjoying the day with my baby boy, I wished I wasn’t there the whole day. It makes me super sick to stomach to admit that, but that’s the truth. Because of booze, and my lack of control. I never want to do that again. Ever. Here to day one of forever!

    0
    1. I could have written so many of these posts. I hit rock bottom in the weekend and the worst part was – I didn’t even think it was rock bottom. Went away with my 2 girlfriends for a weekend in Wellington to see the World of Wearable Arts. We had some drinks, I had more, then I got a bottle of wine and talked through the whole show, resulting in them telling me to F* off – so I did. Walked back to the hotel in the dark where I then decided drinking with the 20 something concerge was a great idea. Had to knock on the door and get my friends to let me in where I then proceeded to shout throughout my drunken sleep and bang on walks etc keeping both of them awake. To say I ruined the weekend is an understatement. And after planning this for 6 months, away from the hubby and the toddler – it was awful. I’m soooooo done being that horrible drunk friend. I’m just terrified now of failing. I can go a day or 2 without a drink but never longer than that and it’s always a struggle. Then I say “I will just have one drink” then I have “just one more” and then next thing you know *bang* I’ve finished the bottle of wine, start necking beers, then even whiskey, go to bed drunk, keep my husband awake, can’t see to my toddler, then have to either go to work, or do toddler things which I want to be present at – not bloody nursing a hangover.

      0
  17. My day one was 2 days ago, I’m alone in a city I don’t know, with overseas work colleagues that I am meeting for the first time so it feels like the perfect time to stop drinking! Tonight when we go for dinner I will say no thanks and enjoy the night without wondering what they think of me when I drink too much and turn into a slurring idiot! I can do this!

    0
  18. I heard someone on the radio talking about over coming there addiction that stuck.

    If you give up and white knuckle it through each and every day you are going to fail as you were always in your head going back.
    I don’t see a half way on alcohol, once you cant control it you probably never will.
    So the day you stop think of it as being over, that life is gone the same as if it had died. You can mourn it but it will never come back.
    If there is no day in your future with alcohol then you truly can plan ahead. Still easy and you miss it like your best friend but its gone.

    0
  19. Years of Day 1′s, today is another one the only difference is I came across this website. I think you may have saved my life. Crying in bed feeling guilty about drinking, anxiety about the future. Ive always felt so alone in this battle with alcohol and afraid to include anyone else in on my ” its day 1″ secret so when I cave in each night there is no one there to hold me accountable.

    0
  20. I am on day 9 and have just joined the living sober group today.
    I love reading about the others who have gone before me and how they are still living life alcohol free.
    That will be me in time I just need to hang in there.
    I didn’t drink any alcohol today…

    0
  21. Thank you so much. I too have all the cyclical issues. Stop for a few days, think oh I’ll have a glass of wine with the boyfriend, relax, unwind this turns into a full bottle. Then little comments that I would nor!mally brush off when im sober turn me into full explosive anger mode. Cue argument, fight, regret, self loathing and the eelingblike you are completely in this alone. Now I feel I’m not he only one. My partner doesn’t get it but I need support from somewhere if I am going to be strong and successful in this journey from my last day 1. Thank you for this site. Xx

    0
  22. I am struggling with this too…but its has hard when alcohol has always been a part of the relationship but had caused the relationship so much pain…

    0
  23. I thought I was the only one who hid in bed with shame for days on end, trying to remember what I did, what I said, looking at peoples faces for telltale signs. Regret, guilt, self torture and sadness. Day 1 was bad, Day 2 is a little better, there is a seed of Hope that grows within me.

    0
  24. I could ditto your whole comment I had stopped for a month in may and stupidly thought I could go back to moderate drinking, I’ve drunk everyday since, even though I’ve run my business etc it’s not really living in the present, I’m just drowning my feelings. I’ve done it before and can do it again, this time I want to stick to it

    0
  25. So grateful for your post Mrs D and to everyone that has shared so honestly. It really does help to read, to know I’m not alone, and that this shitty ordeal with alcohol is not unique to me (without wishing this on others at the same time).
    I am a veteran of day ones after my drinking spiralled out of control back when I was 16. Within months I was already trying to stop, others were wishing I would too. I’ve been to rehab, to detox several times, and now I’m 33 finally feel like I was making some good progress with AA (which I have come and gone). 8 months sobriety and I decided I was feeling strong. Enrolled in postgraduate study which required me to travel from my new safety net. Now I’m back beating myself up with remorse and shame. The sneaky voices got loud as soon as I was away and I caved. 24 hrs later with a 40oz down I had faceplanted into the concrete and decided booking a plane home to get back on the wagon was my only option. I’ve withdrawn from study and spent the last three days in bed refusing to leave, full of fear that my alcoholic voice will lead me to the rocks. I’ve just finished reading the book, Mrs- d goes without and thought, maybe adding an online community to my toolbox can help me too. Anything is worth a shot when you’re desperate to survive, especially since I feel like I’m now carrying a time bomb in my head.
    I’m exhausted, and desperate to survive this. So really grateful I could share this, get it off my chest, even without leaving my room. Especially since my nose is all scraped up from my fall and the sparkle and smile has left my face. I’m relying on the basic idea that if you keep coming back it works if you work at it…. Eventually as you said, you’ll have the last day one.

    0
  26. This is my first day one. I am so desperate to make this my first and last but I’m not sure that will be the case. It can be a frightening prospect facing your addiction head on but having found this site it feels a little less lonely

    0
  27. I love this….. I’ve had a bit of a “dabble” with day 1′s….. My journey to where I am now began with an acceptance of what I was doing…..then I read your book……Had a few periods of no alcohol over the last few months, but I always created a reason to drink…… today’s been a shit of a day, I DESERVE this wine! I’ve had a GREAT day, I feel like a wine…..I’ve got the day off, let’s have a wine…….Finally, it took my two beautiful girls to talk to their Dad (who’s away a lot) and say that they were worried about me, that I was drinking more than usual and not interacting with them in a good way….. I felt sick!!! But I wasn’t surprised… I already knew it……I was more disappointed in myself for not getting my shit sorted out sooner – before they noticed? Anyway, today is Day 6 for me…. I’ve just joined this community. Loving it! X

    0
    1. @steviebee – How is it going. I am on Day 2 – also had periods of no drinking (30 day challenges etc) but came back harder every time. Sad, but this will have to be a for ever thing!? Hope you made it!

      0
Add Comment Register



Share your ideas

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>