Dear Person on Day One

Saturday 22 Apr, 2017, 1:29pm by Mrs D 82 comments

Welcome to a very special day – the first day of the rest of your life!

I know that’s a terrible cliche but image that it’s true. Imagine that from today things start to really turn around for you. Imagine that today heralds the start of a massive period of self-growth. Imagine that today you set a new more positive course for your life. Imagine if today you say goodbye to all that angst and misery that alcohol has given you.

Day Ones are hard. They’re also rather exciting. My Day One was both. It started at 3am when I awoke sick as a dog and full of misery (and probably half cut from all the wine I drank the night before). I cried on and off through the morning and felt like utter shit.  I slowly rehydrated and recovered from my alcohol excesses and was left just feeling tired and flat. I  went to bed early in a less-than-chirpy mood.

But my Day One was also quietly fabulous. In the depths of my despair I made a big and exciting decision that this was it. No more drinking. No more alcohol in my life – ever. Despite my self-esteem being shot I managed to tap into the wise, brave and strong part of me that desperately wanted to get out. I summoned enough grit to write myself a letter that set out my intention to learn how to live sober. I got a whiff of change and I believed that change could come.

I only ever had one Day One. But that’s not how it goes for everyone. Some people have a couple. Some people have many – they’re the really brave ones. They keep coming back, keep trying again to tap into that wise, brave and strong part of themselves that is desperate for change. They keep proclaiming ‘Today is Day One’.

I don’t care if you’re on your first Day One or your fiftieth Day One – you are welcome here. And whether today is your first Day One or your fiftieth Day One it might just be the one to finally stick. So tomorrow will be Day Two, and so on and so on. One day at a time you will carve out a new life.

A sober life. Not a life free from sadness and pain – that sort of life doesn’t exist – but a life grounded in truth and honesty and bravery.

So Dear Person on Day One – I salute you.  I am excited for you. I know what hard work it is going to take for you to move through the days ahead but believe me when I say: It is so, so, so worth it.

And one day in the future you’ll look back and be thankful for this Day One, just like I’m thankful for mine.

82 comments

  1. Years of Day 1′s, today is another one the only difference is I came across this website. I think you may have saved my life. Crying in bed feeling guilty about drinking, anxiety about the future. Ive always felt so alone in this battle with alcohol and afraid to include anyone else in on my ” its day 1″ secret so when I cave in each night there is no one there to hold me accountable.

    0
  2. Today is day one of this particular round of drying up. I was sober for a few months last year and it felt really great and then I lied to myself that I would never drink to the point of changing my personality. I would drink in ‘moderation’. Well I guess I did more than I didn’t, but there have still been more than a few instances that I turn into someone I don’t like. Someone I hate, actually. The first time I ‘quit’ drinking it was because my husband and I drove drunk with my son in the car, got pulled over, and let go. I felt such shame. I can’t even describe it. Omg. I have decided to get sober (and hopefully stay sober) this time because (among other things) I went to card game, got totally drunk, talked terrible crap about my husband to people he sees all of the time and then DROVE home. I have a 3 mo. old and a 2 year old. Not only could I not take care of my 3 mo. old, but we were taking my 2 year old somewhere special the following morning. I knew this and had been looking forward to it for a long time. Instead of enjoying the day with my baby boy, I wished I wasn’t there the whole day. It makes me super sick to stomach to admit that, but that’s the truth. Because of booze, and my lack of control. I never want to do that again. Ever. Here to day one of forever!

    0
    1. I could have written so many of these posts. I hit rock bottom in the weekend and the worst part was – I didn’t even think it was rock bottom. Went away with my 2 girlfriends for a weekend in Wellington to see the World of Wearable Arts. We had some drinks, I had more, then I got a bottle of wine and talked through the whole show, resulting in them telling me to F* off – so I did. Walked back to the hotel in the dark where I then decided drinking with the 20 something concerge was a great idea. Had to knock on the door and get my friends to let me in where I then proceeded to shout throughout my drunken sleep and bang on walks etc keeping both of them awake. To say I ruined the weekend is an understatement. And after planning this for 6 months, away from the hubby and the toddler – it was awful. I’m soooooo done being that horrible drunk friend. I’m just terrified now of failing. I can go a day or 2 without a drink but never longer than that and it’s always a struggle. Then I say “I will just have one drink” then I have “just one more” and then next thing you know *bang* I’ve finished the bottle of wine, start necking beers, then even whiskey, go to bed drunk, keep my husband awake, can’t see to my toddler, then have to either go to work, or do toddler things which I want to be present at – not bloody nursing a hangover.

      0
  3. This is my first proper day. Had many half-hearted attempts, but something feels different. I’ve had enough of the early morning dread-filled wake-ups, questioning myself as to why I couldn’t stop. I’m fed up of glaring at my dinner guests wineglasses to make sure there’s enough left for me. I’m fed up of ‘that voice’, urging me on, teling me ‘just one more, or ‘go on, treat yourself’. I’m fed up of having stomach cramps, headaches and being almost permanently tired. Reading this blog and Mrs D’s book made me realise that I’m not alone and that by confronting this devil, I’m taking back my life and have nothing to be ashamed of. Not any more. This is my first day, I will hold onto those reasons why I will no longer drink. I wish you all the very best of luck xx

    0
  4. I have had a few Day Ones, but I am determined to make this my last one. I feel completely overwhelmed with my hectic life, and feel like I should be working on other things right now. But I know I need to find some support, and I am glad I found this site. I could hardly get my child to school this morning thanks to the monster hangover I had from my nightly bottle or two of wine. I want more for myself. I need to make this change for myself, and my family. My daughter and husband deserve more from me. It’s time to gather up all the strength I have left and work towards being healthy again.

    0
  5. Great post Mrs D and very relevant for me as I hesitated about coming back here as I was embarrassed that I had started drinking again. I even thought about setting up a new profile as a new person to avoid the embarrassment, but decided it was better to be honest. I’m very wobbly today after a very bad nights sleep tossing and turning, trying to make the decision on trying to moderate versus giving up and a little bit sad and disappointed that I am not strong enough to just moderate or drink weekends like everyone else. I am sitting in the lounge with a messy house and heaps to do, with my laptop on my lap, writing here instead of getting on with the chores for today, but I just felt I needed to get this started as my first tool in my toolbox!

    0
  6. Well this is my day one. So happy to find this place….a much needed source of inspiration and hope. I am not keen on going the AA route but am keen on getting support​. Obviously my approach could change but today I’m here and looking for your wisdom. Thank you.

    0
  7. what the fuck I have denied so many years but I really fucked up……..thought I could actually say sorry thats just me ever 6 months losing it and not in the perfect place. What the fuck I messed up tonight and totally . !!!!! Cathie freeman suit of hell totally in denial. But fuck it cant go on

    0
  8. Thank you Lotta. You spoke to me and I appreciate that just so much. I really believe I’ve had my last day 1. Although every day one has taught me so much about myself and my relationship with wine. It is a sad dismal maudlin relationship and has no place in my life. I would often poured out all my woes on FB. My profession would have started to deteriorate. I had already had days off because I was hung over. You have helped me save my life @mrs-d and I am so grateful to you and all the lovely people who share here xxxxx

    0
  9. Feeling alone and anxious this sunny morning I remembered I am not alone.
    I looked up sober living and then read this.
    Just what I needed !
    Day 4 after nearly a year of being sober and I have been feeling really bummed in myself.
    Not to mention my partner is not speaking to me and has moved into the other room.
    My anxiety is back and I HATE HATE it !
    Reading this post and the comments reminds me l can only move forward.
    I promise to myself I will be kind and recover and to remember everyday I love my sober life :)

    0
  10. This may be my new most favorite post ever of yours, and the competition for my most favorite post of yours is quite fierce! Thank you.

    0
  11. Thank you for making us all feel welcome Lotta – as one who has had numerous day 1′s, this post brought me to tears. I’m tired of feeling ashamed. I want to be free. I’m determined to keep plugging away at my recovery. I’ve been trying different strategies in the hopes that one day it will all fall into place for me!

    0
  12. So, I’m back on day one for the 4th time. But, seem to be able to have one glass of wine and leave it at that. So, does this seem realistic? Could I have gradually weaned myself off the half-a-bottle-a-night habit? I would appreciate some advice from others,please.

    0
    1. I can’t walk the moderation tightrope. I suppose that’s because I’m an alcoholic, and so I slip. No way I want to go back to the old way. Be careful that your one glass a night doesn’t go past your half a bottle all the way to a full bottle. These problems have a way of accelerating. There are many rewards to sobriety; one is that you can stop thinking about that one glass per day.

      0
  13. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mrs. D! I had reached 154 days sober and was so proud of seeing the days mount up, the weight loss just from giving up the wine, the bags under my eyes disappearing, etc. All of a sudden I received a call that my dad was in the hospital and critically ill. Had to fly across the country at a moment’s notice and spend two weeks around my family, who are drinkers, in a very stressful situation. The very first night there, I accepted a glass of wine…and that did it! Flew home hungover, feeling totally disgusted with myself and determined to begin Day 1 again and get back to my sober living. The wine that was in the house and hadn’t been a temptation to me prior to the trip started calling my name. I drank an entire bottle of Chardonnay the first night home, replaced it the next day and drank it again last night. I just poured every bottle of wine we had down the drain. It is clear I’m not as strong as I thought I was, and the stresssful situation with my father hasn’t totally resolved. I need to be extra careful now. I’ve seen life sober and I love it! Your post was exactly what I needed to read this morning. Instead of feeling like a failure because I’m here at Day 1 AGAIN, I can see it as hopeful and exciting because there is a new life ahead. I also love not feeling alone as I read the comments from my fellow travelers on this journey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Day 1, here we come!

    0
  14. I really needed to read this thankyou. Im reading your book at the moment and feel at long last Ive found someone who feels the same as me, That crazy voice in your head fighting to drink or not drink. Hopefully this will be my last day one. X

    0
  15. Good morning Wow you just made my day 1 so much better when you said” Some people have a couple. Some people have many – they’re the really brave ones. They keep coming back, keep trying again to tap into that wise, brave and strong part of themselves that is desperate for change. They keep proclaiming ‘Today is Day One’.
    Instead of thinking here we go again I am thinking yes we are here and its going to be quite a trip so lets get going I am brave not pathetic..
    Thank youx

    0
  16. A letter of hope, want, and vision. Of all the days in a in a SoberLife, D1 is truly the hardest. You can’t believe you can do it, but you want to so badly. Thank you so much for writing!

    0
  17. Thank you – wonderful thing to read first thing in the morning. I’ve had a few Day Ones, and after “testing” myself a few times over the last 37 days I think I’m ready for it to stick. Thank you for this. :)

    0
  18. I really needed to read this today, the weather here is beautiful and it’s got drink.. drink.. drink.. calling me. Lots of changes are happening to me some are tough and have to work through them like today. The best days are when I’m grateful for a sober life and life is good. I’ve had many day ones.. and I don’t want anymore I hit my rock bottom so will keep pushing through … it’s ok to have bad days/weeks they will change it’s life.. Thanks Lotta.

    0
  19. Very well written. Day 1 is hard and hard whwn it keeps repeating.

    I also find Day 2s hard. My pattern when younger used to often be one day on alcohol, one day off and back into it on day two…

    Anyway awesome post

    0
  20. On my day one my eldest daughter was in the hospital suffering from annorexia. My littlie was a surprisingly angry 9 year old. My finances were in a mess, my ‘career’ (if I could call it that) was just hanging in there, my anxiety and depression tooks turns at leading the miserable dance…
    Now I am at day 827, and to say it has turned around is the literally the biggest understatement of my life. My daughter is at normal weight and eats anything, my littlie is content and hopefully about to get the lead in the school musical, yesterday I presented in a board room to some of the leaders in our industry. And I have discovered that my default setting is to be largely free of anxiety and depression, that my true nature is one of happiness, positivity. People always comment on it. Funny, who knew what was waiting for me? and the only cost (because everything good has one) is a very occasional feeling of regret. So occasional I can’t believe it. I thought I would miss it forever and life would always have this huge gap where the bottle used to be. I’m lucky I got to discover this isn’t the case. Good luck xx

    0
  21. Thank you so much for your day 1 message. It’s positive and actually makes me feel like I can do this. This is probably my 100th day 1 so I’m feeling a bit tired, but so totally ready. My drinking needs to stop NOW. I should never drink again for any reason. I need to remember how I used to deal with stress when I had healthy coping skills. It wasn’t that long ago. Here’s to a new day being positive and reminding myself of my strong character traits. Today I will take good care of myself by not drinking.

    0
Add Comment Register



Share your ideas

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>