Do I miss drinking?

Sunday 29 Jan, 2017, 9:46pm by Mrs D 27 comments

Someone asked me the other day if I missed drinking. I almost giggled at the absurdity of the question but managed to stop myself from doing so – thankfully, as that would have been rude. Instead I simply said ‘No I don’t miss it.” I’m sure I sounded quite casual about it, but believe me when I say inside I am not.

In fact the way I feel about alcohol is far from casual. I feel very passionate about it.

Strongly relieved to have it out of my life.
Strongly infuriated at how normalised and glamorised it is.
Strongly gobsmacked at how more people aren’t exclaiming “what the hell are we doing guzzling all this shit booze week after week???”
And most of all strongly calm and resolved about my decision to never touch it again ever for as long as I live. 

The person who asked if I miss alcohol can’t possibly see inside my head to understand the strength of my feelings. Maybe they thought I’m gritting my teeth with the effort of trying not to pick up, or that I sob into my pillow at night feeling miserable that I’m missing out.

If I was going to give them a full and honest reply what I would have said was this:

“The only teeth gritting or sobbing I do is when I remember what booze did to me..

It turned me into a sloppy, slurry, numb and disconnected woman who was unable to genuinely relax, bond with friends, celebrate, commiserate, memorialise or party without getting sloshed.

Do I miss any of that? NO WAY!

Since I got sober I’ve saved loads of money, have evolved massively as a human being, have formed deeper connections with everyone around me, have settled into myself in a totally awesome and grounding way, am exploring new enriching and authentic ways of living and being, and now relax, celebrate, bond, commiserate, memorialise and party with way more style and grace than I ever have.

Not touching alcohol ever is a glorious freedom and I’m so delighted that I get to move around this booze-soaked world of mine without being swayed or tempted by any bullshit advertising slogans or lying marketing ploys.

And I’m not missing out on a single thing. I still get to attend birthday parties, summer BBQs, formal events and loved-up weddings. I still get to mix and mingle with other humans when I need or want to. Not drinking alcohol doesn’t cut me off from anything except maybe people who have drunk too much late at night. And I can live with that.”

But all of that would have probably made for a pretty intense speech in reply to their question, so a simple “No I don’t miss it” had to suffice.

I’m happy knowing my deep down truth. And I’m very grateful that I have an outlet here where I can come and share it  honestly with all of you.

Love, Mrs D xxx

27 comments

  1. I am the same in that it has made me think about how insane it is that drinking copious amounts of alcohol in a ‘ social setting’ is so normalized. It is such a big part of our culture here in Australia.

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  2. I no longer drink. I will say, I miss it dearly. I have become a better person without it, and stand to live a healthier life … but there is no denying I do miss my booze. Ah better to have loved and lost then to have never loved before right?

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  3. That was great to read since today is my day 1 again. Yes, valentines day I chose not to drink, and this will be my 32nd valentines with my husband. So, tonight I will have a diet coke, i guess.

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  4. Keep trying. This is my 3rd sober attempt and I will be 2 years Friday! Listen to the Bubble Hour podcasts, chat in a recovery room via SMART. Try a meeting. I don’t spend as much time with my hard drinking friends anymore but they are still my friends. Good luck.

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  5. amen sista, I am finally loving being sober too, it took a long time to get to this place but I loving this journey to self discovery and acceptance

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  6. Just read mrs D’s last blog and it couldn’t be more true. I am starting Day 1 again and so
    full of conflicting emotions you can’t imagine.

    Firstly WTF just happened and how is it possible that I am back here? Day bloody 1.

    Secondly can I actually do this? Why is it so bloody hard for me?

    And thirdly I am full of negative emotions swinging from one to another like an internal war going on in my soul… ok so that was a bit melodramatic… but to be fair, not far off the mark actually! Self pity, disappointment, resentment, reluctance, indecision, denial… just to name a few.

    To be totally honest the worst one gnawing away ar at me at the moment is fear. Fear that I won’t be able to do this, fear that my friends will disappear, fear that the cancer will come back with the drinking that I have done over this lapse. Basically just fear and anxiety on every level.

    So I have tricked myself. I have told all my friends and family that I am giving up again after Auckland anniversary weekend. Well here we are. So I have to do it. They are expecting it and they have seen me do it successfully for over two years before. So they believe me. So now I just have to believe me…

    I feel like all the tools and positive thought processes I used to have as sober Squizzi have vanished and are eluding me. I know they must be there somewhere but it seems like that was a different person and a lifetime ago.

    Oh well here we are ready to go again. Day 1 here we come. Hope you all have a lovely day.

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    1. You’re ok, lovely. I am yet to get to start day 1. Think of the other times as a practice for the real thing. 2 years is still enough to be cherished; don’t throw away or belittle the effort and sacrifice. It is still a great thing! And greater still is that you are starting again. It is harder in a way, but don’t be self-defeating about it… you already know you can do it! x

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  7. My thoughts exactly! Thank you so much for this post.
    I, too, like @JC, am so thankful I don’t HAVE to drink anymore. I’m so glad to be rid of the daily obsession of drinking and using.
    I’m at 41 days sober. It’s the most sober time I’ve built up in 2 decades. It has been life-changing for the absolute positive. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
    Like @Elyn, I don’t miss anything from drinking, it was all so horrible. I don’t even want to waste another minute thinking about it.

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    1. You mean they never get it!? OMG! I’m at 107 days and after 2 decades of going hard I get that question all the time. I was hoping it would stop eventually. Just like Mrs D’s blog description of “sloppy, slurry, disconnected” and a bunch of other not flattering adjectives I am done with it. I think I’ve drank my lifetimes worth and I’m ok now. Phew! I get to move on and I hope people around me do also.

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  8. Me again. That congrats was for Elyn!! 100 days, amazing!!! Mrs. D, great post, totally agree. I sometimes get the sense that some people feel quietly sorry for me that I don’t drink, as in ‘I can’t drink’. Can’t, don’t, won’t. Enough time, money, self-respect, good times down the drain with that sh*t. Nope, no more.

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  9. This is just brilliant! As I heard someone say, it’s not “I can’t drink anymore,” it’s really “Thank God I don’t ever HAVE to drink that shit anymore.” You said what I’m thinking so eloquently! A zillion thanks to you! :)

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  10. Thanks so much for this – those marketers sure do a good job of programming people, don’t they? Folks really do have a hard time believing life is better without poison. And I get it, I bought their bullsh*t too. But, today is day 100 for me – (takes bow and genuflects – thank you so much for your sober calendar – I log in almost everyday just to check my prorgress) and I am so thankful that I DON”T drink. Miss it? Bwah, ha, ha, ha, ha! I miss it like I miss a headache or a bounced check or a stupid joke or a fake friend or a restless night or falling down or a wrecked car or a meaningless fight with my husband. I miss it like I miss anger, shame, regret, humiliation, obsessiveness, anxiety and fear. Thanks God for your blog which helped me to know I am not alone, love Sober Stories, love Ask An Expert, love Drink of the Week, and which encouraged me to keep going. And still is. Hugs!

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