Don’t Believe the Bullshit

Thursday 8 Mar, 2018, 12:00pm by Mrs D 23 comments

Living Sober blog image-don't believe the bullshit copy

It’s just bullshit all the lies that are fed to us about all the wonderful things alcohol brings to our lives. Utter bloody bollocks.

But the problem is we feed ourselves these lies because we’ve lived in a booze-soaked world our whole lives … and as a result our brains have gotten hard-wired to believing the bullshit.

So when we get sober not only do we have to fight against all the romantic images of booze that are presented to us through marketing… but we have to fight against our own brains making us feel like we’re going to be boring sober losers for the rest of our lives.

We imagine a future without alcohol in it and it looks miserable. Even though we know (for those of us who have a problem moderating) that the present day with alcohol in it is miserable.

How twisted is that? Our booze soaked lives today are miserable, yet we imagine that our future alcohol-free lives are going to be worse.

It’s always imagining a sober future that is hard (when the mythical images form in our heads).. and not the actual future that we start to live (when we are in the moment being sober and actually fine).

When you are sitting at an ocean-side restaurant with a bunch of friends with the sun shining and your sunglasses on laughing at the silly jokes and eating delicious seafood you don’t actually care that your glass has lime and soda in it. You just feel relaxed and entertained and happy, the lime and soda is beautifully refreshing….

…and you will drive yourself home.

When you are sitting around a brazier with a rug over your knees at midnight after a BBQ singing House of the Rising Sun surrounded by family and friends you don’t actually care that your cup has hot chocolate in it. You just feel warm and cosy and happy, the mug of hot chocolate is the best hot chocolate you’ve ever tasted….

…and you will sleep well afterwards.

When you are doing cheesy dancing to Abba at your cousins wedding surrounded by loads of happy people doing the same you don’t actually care that the glass you just put down has Red Bull in it. You just feel loved-up and carefree and happy, that second piece of wedding cake will go down an absolute treat…

…and you will remember everything about the evening.

It’s imagining the sober events that is often worse than actually doing them. So just keep doing them. Don’t believe your brain’s imaginings of you being a boring sober loser forever more. Don’t believe the bullshit marketing material that sells us romantic images of alcohol’s benefits.

Believe the truth. Sober does not equal boring. Sober just equals not under the influence of alcohol. And who says alcohol has all the power to make things fun, lovely, cosy, entertaining, carefree or happy?

Not me.

Love, Mrs D xxx

23 comments

  1. I agree the drinking days were an a illusion i thought i was having fun .looking back to the drinking days they were false fun. I,m happy just being me and plain sober. I never want to become a victim of thinking alcohol had anything going for it. Jim Nettleton

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  2. The best times , vacations , parties and suppers with friends were all when i was sober . Bullshit should be used for naming booze . Next time i am offered a drink i shall respond with : No thank you , i don’t drink bullshit .

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  3. its really baffling and stunning to me how over and over alcohol has been the cause of me feeling sick, doing and saying idiot things, feel horrendous shame and remorse, and wasting a whole lotta time yet i couldn’t wait to start guzzling again. Im accepting now the obsessive thoughts about alcohol and how I’ve reacted to them by satisfying the craving immediately. im trying now to let the thought just be there and not react impulsively. each time i do this im noticing ok this does actually pass. i personally cannot count days sober its too stressful for me i just focus on getting past each craving as it comes and each time its a little miracle.

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    1. I was sober for 6 and a half years, best time of my life.due to traumatic time I picked up last summer.did rehab for a month in January but am really struggling again now.
      Not finding aa helpful so searching for other ways.i want to so much to be sober.

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  4. This is something I was thinking about yesterday when I was at a function where there was lots of drinking and music. I have been working on trying to reset my brain. One method is to look at it from a cost / benefit approach. So the affirmative argument (yes, have a beer it tastes good) has just one attraction – ie – it tastes good.
    Now, the negative argument. I am enjoying the beautiful surroundings, the great music, interacting with lots of people, family, and no guilt over anything I chose to eat. Slam dunk!
    Back to the one attraction which I want to analyse in a bit more detail, because my brain typically would build a picture of a great tasting beer, followed by as many more great tasting beers as I choose. But in fact the first few mouthfuls are what tastes great, then the rest follows a decline in enjoyment, not to mention the physical cost if I over indulge. So in fact, my brain has been trying to scam me. The bullshit comes from within.
    Has anyone else thought along these lines and do you have any suggestions on the right sort of self talk drills that may help?

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    1. Hi 55r , interesting thought. Look at a person having a shot : if you just concentrate on the face you will see it is an expression of disgust and revolt. Body says with its loudest voice : I dont want this in my system. Brain says : Yum.More!
      Ever noticed ( especially in a Beergarden situation): a group is having a session , a person known to the group passes and everyone raises the pint to lure him in. This is the power of advertising for you.
      Talking about conditioning…

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  5. Wow! Good for u on making it day 192 :-) so sorry to hear of ur personal chaos; Pain and brokenness: easy does it; one day at a time and things will get better!! There is no problem we face in life that drinking will not make worse! Keep remembering the worst drunk moments ; best advice i live with is that acceptance is the key and we can’t change people places or things. BW, Kelly c

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  6. So many words come to mind upon reading this,yet, in a nutshell, my thoughts scream…YES!!!!!☺ Day 192 and I am personally in a broken world at this time. 100 percent broken and defeated. I am my sole rock. The physical and spiritual pain feels unbearable at the moment. Literally all aspects of my life, at the moment..are in utter chaos. But social freedom with booze….N. O.
    But I will not drink.
    And I will remember you, Mrs D and all of my new best friends here on this site
    Onward ! Boozy weekends are BULLSHIT.

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  7. So many words come to mind upon reading this,yet, in a nutshell, my thoughts scream…YES!!!!!☺ Day 292 and I am personally in a broken world. Literally all aspects of my life, at the moment.
    But I will not drink.
    And I will remember you, Mrs D and all of my new best friends here on this site
    Onward ! Boozy weekends are BULLSHIT.

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  8. Great post!! I love just being in the moment, and remembering it all clearly. Being sober has become important to me because I want to show my kids being sober is an option, and it is not boring at all. It’s a healthy life choice, just like broccoli. Our family has history of alcoholism so I have talked with them about how alcohol misuse can have different forms and I explained my “no brakes” issues with alcohol, they were both surprised and excited to hear about my choice to stop. It’s like they thought the tipsy was part of my personality. How scary is that….
    I can’t tell you how good it feels to be the real me, and excercise what that means. My partner is super supportive and doesn’t drink around me at all, which has been really helpful to get past those nasty testing moments. Cheers!!

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    1. It’s a healthy life choice, just like broccoli….what a clever sentence. Thank you. Made my day. Big hug and stay strong.

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  9. Today at work their was a celebration in the dining room it was 9.15am.. They had a free breakfast and Danish pastries.. plus glasses of wine … well I can remember the times I would have broke my neck to be the first one in there knocking back the wine…. to sort my hangover out.. feeling like shit and pretending I was fine… that life was great and I was a hardened drinker. Today I went in made myself a coffee had a gorgeous breakfast and a toffee and pecan Danish pastry… and enjoyed the celebration.. felt great and went back to work… it’s true that stuff about drinking booze to have a good time is complete bullshit … great post Mrs D.. thank you. xx

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  10. Thanks Mrs. D
    Wonderful post. I have great intentions to remain sober (this is day 3 again) WHEN I go to Florida to visit my daughter in a reastaurant by the water community and I have been 20 Days sober and I say, “I’ll have soda and lime” and then she says, “Mom, have a drink, it’s a glorious day”. She doesn’t know about my problem drinking, I’ve hid it from her. I get hung up here and then the cycle starts again. It is so deeply rooted that booze=wonderful. Not in my book. Next time I go see her I’ll have about 50 Days sober so maybe I can just simply stick to my guns. She does not drink as a way of life as I have been accustomed to do.

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  11. This is a bit off track but I reckon one of the coolest things about not drinking, is being so way past that awful stage where you know you need to stop, but haven’t started stopping yet!! haha. It is honestly such a huge relief to have that stopping stuff behind me, not out in front of me where I kept it for nearly all my adult life! I LOVE being a non drinker. “No thank you. I don’t drink”……..

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    1. Love this comment, I remember vividly some of those horrible times when I knew I had a problem, but didn’t know how to stop drinking. So glad to get past that and onto this glorious sober life x

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  12. The lies and bullshit are fed to us by friends too. Who want us to be on the same level as them drinking. It’s such a relief when that shift happens and you see the illusion for what it truely is. I found a good way of looking at it by remembering a group of 10 year olds at a kids party don’t need any substance to have a great time and enjoy themselves. Somewhere along the way we were made to believe booze was an enhancer.

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    1. …can you imagine that weddings in many middle Eastern countries last for 3 days with no booze at all? Try this here in our western world…

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  13. So true!! It feels brave + cool + rebellious + frankly amazing not to have to rely on that soul-crushing, life-destroying stuff! Lately I’ve been laughing as much as I used to years ago, and it feels so good. You look very happy + great in the picture! x

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    1. And..its total bullshit when you mention you don’t drink and the person responds by saying..oh that’s too bad. No! Its not too bad, its fucking great and courageous and authentic and really, really beautiful. Thanks Mrs. D for everything, everyday.

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