Push the fast forward button!!!

Friday 29 Aug, 2014, 12:17pm by Mrs D 122 comments

Ok that was SUPER fun!! Loved that ‘Bullshit’ game in the last post and thanks everyone for playing.

You know, when we go through those thought processes and challenge those common (bullshit) beliefs we start to change the hard-wired thinking we have about alcohol and what it offers. If we attack, attack, attack those beliefs they start to turn around and we see the truth and THEN we start to experience truly blissful freedom from addiction.

Anyway.. here’s another technique suggested by member @Switchedon called ‘Push the Fast Forward Button’. I’ve also heard it called ‘Play the Tape till the End’. It’s where we think past that first romantic image of booze and focus on the reality of what it ends up being like. I’ll do a couple based on my experiences of being a boozer but again please do add your own in below…

Opening Scene: I pour myself a lovely glass of glistening chardonnay at 5pm with the sun streaming in my kitchen windows. I’m cooking dinner, the kids are watching TV, the radio is playing and I feel like a contented housewife who deserves this lovely liquid release.

Fast Forward: It’s 10pm and as per usual I haven’t been able to stop drinking once I started. I’ve now had over a bottle of wine, I’m slumped on the sofa – heavy and numb – watching the Kardashians (most of which I’ll forget) eating my 4th piece of toast. Soon I’ll shift my drunk body to to bed, sleep like crap for six hours before waking up feeling hungover, guilty and miserable.

Opening Scene: I’m at a friends house on a Friday afternoon – 4 of us mums  with our kids are gathering to celebrate the end of the school term. We’re having a disco / pizza party! The kids are roaming around, the dads are arriving soon, we’re all pouring bubbles and chatting away happily, feeling good about coming together for a mini celebration.

Fast Forward: It’s 9.30, I’ve completely overdone it and am shitfaced. I’m pushing the pram the two blocks home feeling dizzy and sick. As soon as we get in the door I lock myself in the toilet and vomit. I can hear Mr D putting the kids to bed down the hall. I feel like crap.

Opening Scene: The children are at my mum’s for the night and we’re off to a wedding! I’ve been at the salon having my hair straightened and am wearing a lovely chiffon top borrowed from my sister. I am very happy to be watching my friends get married and happily accept my first glass of bubbles at 4pm after the ceremony.

Fast Forward: It’s 10.30pm and I’m drunk and emotional. I’ve just been walking around the garden with Mr D in tears about something. My shoes have been lost inside somewhere and I’m wearing borrowed socks (not a good look). I’ve ‘checked out’ emotionally and don’t feel in the mood to dance to the fun cheesy pop songs that are playing. I find myself another wine and sit with some random strangers and rave away self-indulgently about my life’s woes. I fall asleep in the taxi on the way home.

I’ve actually found writing this quite depressing. All of this is true and it makes me feel really sad. But brutal honesty is what set me free and there’s not much point in stopping being brutally honest now. Booze is shit and I’m very very very happy to have it out of my life.

Your turn….


  1. Can’t remember the year but I was dressed up in my finery and attended a society wedding at Puketutu Island (Mangere Auckland) got pissed very quickly on chardonnay top shelf and snacking on quails eggs, and OH tried to get me to slow it down…..can’t remember leaving, but heard the next day that I was found on the ladie’s loo floor, dress up around my arse, flaked out……stopped drinking for nearly five years after this

  2. Opening scene. It is a sunny Friday and my live in boyfriend and I have the day off to spend together working in the garage. We start drinking beer and are having a wonderful time.
    Five hours later we are fighting( over what, I don’t remember) it escalates into me threatening to move out and from that I don’t remember…
    What I do remember is the sad, hurt, and disappointed, look on his face and feeling like a piece of shit and hating myself.
    That’s why no matter how hard, I will never drink again.

    1. I can relate to this and the reason why I stopped drinking on 28 Jan. Its so hard seeing the look on your partners face when something like that happens. Wish I had recognised this years ago but upward and onward from now on.

  3. its 5pm and on the way home from work i pick up some bourbon for me and the mrs
    get home,crack open a bourbon, crank the music up and talk about the day relaxing and laughing and hoping for a great passionate night

    9 pm the mrs is having a go at me because she’s drunk and because of my taste in music and i am trying to calm her down as i stagger to keep my balance
    i am worried the cops are going to turn up with the screaming
    i go to bed upstairs and she sleeps down stairs

  4. Far too many stories to tell, here are a couple of typical scenes….

    Opening scene: at a friends house for Sunday lunch and meet their new baby. Bubbles flowing and I stay the night.
    Fast forward to Monday morning, I slip out the door about 6am to drive home and get changed for work. As I drive home I congratulate myself for slipping out without waking them and then it hits me. I’d thrown up in their bathroom during the night and had drunkenly tried to clean up the mess but I had left their house in the morning without checking it was properly cleaned up. I had to message my friends to tell them and apologise.

    Opening scene: I’m at a family wedding that’s been organised on the cheap. There’s not enough food and far too much wine.
    Fast forward: I am drunk on an empty stomach and am both rude to the groom and very rude to my step mother

  5. Fast Forward: It’s Wednesday night. Inlaws are coming in Saturday, so I need a date night / a.k.a. Excuse the o drink night w my hubs. I down 3 glasses of wine at an early bird japanese dinner. It’s 5:00pm. The nanny has the kiddies. Head to the wine bar. 3 more glasses for me. The bartender poured and I guzzled. It’s a six glass Wednesday. It’s 7:30pm. I’m delivering my overly exuberant, flamboyant monologues to the bar tender. I am obvi the most important person in the room. I’m bragging, grand standing, cackling, howling, sacheting to the bathroom, exchanging numbers with perfect strangers because we are now best friends. I told a stranger my husband was famous. Is that even a sentence? Drive to the marina for a smoke. I only smoke when I’ve tied one on. Home to the kids. How fun. Seriously? wtf? What an embarrassment.

  6. It’s 6:00. I can’t make dinner without wine so I grab some. I don’t want the buzz to go away so I keep drinking. Sometime between fighting with my husband and feeling sorry for myself I decide to cuddle my 7 month old. I didn’t realize I was drunk because I fell on the bed with her and was surprised I couldn’t balance. That was about 1 1/2 years ago. Since then we have cut back about 70%, and are 3 days sober now.

  7. Opening Scene: It’s a Tuesday night, 7pm. After a hard day at work I’m out for dinner with the wife. I have a couple of beers with dinner, great conversation, great food, wife laughing and loves me. Get a message from some mates at the bar around the corner to meet up for a drink. Tell the wife I’ll be home before 10, after all, it’s a week night and I have to work in the morning.
    Fast forward: Alarm goes off at 7am and I’ve only been in bed for an hour. I roll out of bed and into the shower. I brush my teeth three times to try to get rid of the smell of alcohol but I know I’ll have bad breath all day anyway. Luckily for the people I work with I’ll be hiding in my office all day anyway avoiding as much work as I can because I’m basically brain dead. I try to kiss my wife goodbye as I leave for work but she turns away. I tell her I’m sorry and that I’ll get my drinking under control, “this won’t happen again”. She doesn’t believe me at all. She’s wishing she’d never married me..

  8. Wow love this – push the fast forward button – ok here I go…..few years back before I got married – at friends house drinking few beers bout 9 pm leave round 1030 solo go to Latin club stay till closes at 2 am still not ready to quit stupid me gets in my truck drives to West Palm Beach cause they don’t close till 5 am get there at 3 party till 5am still not finished get in truck driving Miami now bout 80 miles south decide to pull over to use bathroom and realize I don’t have my debit card can’t find it and have 2 dollars in my pocket and less than 1/4 tank of gas and 90 miles from home – thank GOD I have friend who lives 5 miles away in Boca drive to his house and meet him in the driveway as he’s going to church he allows me to go in and crash in the couch till he gets home from church he then as good friend gives me good talk on how I’m lucky to be here and did not make it to Miami and tells me the need for me to give up drinking that was 2011 and since that time I’ve had few other stupid times out drinking so this time I hope to stay sober I’m on day 15 of being sober….. I now have amazing wife and baby boy

  9. Fast forward:

    It’s a Saturday afternoon and I’ve spent the day running errands and at the gym, feeling great because the night before I actually stuck to my commitment to not drink too much. Receive an invitation to a friend’s BBQ and gladly accept. Pick up a magnum bottle of wine for myself since my friends bought vodka and bourbon for themselves. Spend the day laughing, playing games in the sun and listening to music, all the while drinking away. 5 hours later I’ve finished the entire bottle and am headed to the bar for shots of liquor and beer. Fall asleep on my friend at which point I think my husband got us into a cab for home. Hole up in the bathroom to puke it out and also hit my head on the toilet leaving a nice big lump. Wake up the next day with a horrid hangover and have to bail on my cousin’s birthday party to sleep it off. Ugh. I should read this the next time I want to drink!!! So embarrassing, and I probably only had fun for about 3 hours before it all went downhill.

  10. Scene
    Excited to be going to meet an old boyfriend . Spend over $1,000 on new clothes , hair , nails etc . Looking and feeling hot lol . Get to the restaurant , the old magic is still there , sigh . I haven’t told him that I don’t drink now and when I arrive he’s bought me a glass of champagne . I drink it . I enjoy it . We move to our table and he’s ordered wine . I drink it , he orders more wine , we drink and flirt and before I know it we are having dessert wine too !
    Fast forward
    I’ve wobbled to the loo several times . The world is floating around me . I leave my coat behind at the restaurant and lose my bangle … I get the hiccups . I take several drunken photos and post them . We wobble off to his place …. I awaken with a pounding head , the memory of why we broke up in the first place ( he’s immature ) and feel totally crap about drinking …

  11. Stupid things I’ve done when I’ve been pissed. How many stories do you want? I could write a book! Here’s a particularly stupid one.
    A couple of years ago, after far too many wines, I had this brainwave that maybe, just maybe, I might be eligible for a tax refund. Looked up tax refund specialists. Found one. Dug out the paperwork. Did some maths on calculator. Had a few more wines. Numbers were looking positive. So I filled out the online form for the tax specialist. Sort of checked the figures and the totals, hit enter and Presto! I’m due for a tax refund. Yippee! Another wine to celebrate. Sent it off to said tax refund specialists. A few minutes later, I get a reply to say “Congratulations! You are entitled to a tax refund!” Wow, says my woozy brain, that’s cool. But hey, what’s this here in the fine print. “Oh, by the way,” says the tax refund specialist website, “We’ve deducted our fee of 20%!” 20 fucking per cent!!! And the real bitter pill to swallow came the next day, when I realized I could have done it all myself on the friendly IRD website for nix!! That drunken mistake cost me about $250!! (Plus the wine)
    Moral of story – keep away from keyboard when pissed. ☹

    1. Part of me is kind of impressed that you even THOUGHT about your taxes when pissed ;-). But yes, financial incontinence is something that was a regular feature of my drinking!

  12. my turn? gosh, wish memory to tell. am now four months clean again. but in past life: lived in south island, not have many friends, no family down there. drink at my flat before walking into Christchurch city on my own. meet up with strangers, very vulnerable. just want to see the lights and not be lonely. very sad and lonely. walk past strip club, bouncers encourage me in to strip for them. oh, this is different I think. very drunk at this point. up on stage, half naked, ( I would not do this AT ALL if I were sober) this is not me!!!! bouncers realised how drunk I was, they physically throw me out. THROW ME OUT? r u kidding. not like I really wanted to be there in the first place. I don’t swear, but I did, like a real cat girl, swore at these guys in the city streets. got so angry tried to get back in to the place around the back, to tell them what I think of them. slowly come to senses, surprisingly, as still very drunk. walk home, still very sad and lonely. this is just one of the many things I did, or happened to me, in a very vulnerable state, a small woman on her own, drunk. cities are not nice to woman who are on their own. i’m back home now, where I have family and new friends. my old friends from here, just don’t get it, do not understand, have no idea.

  13. Party at home for some reason or other. Lots of effort gone in and lovely night with friends……probably my birthday. Fast forward……Everyone gone except me and one of my drinking buddie girlfriends. She doesnt drink all the time but man when she does theres no stopping her! Doesnt take much to twist my arm so there we are in the lounge at 3.30 am…….loud elvis costello on sterio, friend dancing all sultry and sexy like she does……I jump up on the day bed and start dancing up there like a go go dancer…….both laughing and having a hillarious time. Then I accidentally bounce myself right off the day bed and head plant myself into a slate topped coffee table. Not to worry…..keep dancing……friend off in her own world……didn’t seem to notice. Music pretty loud and out comes 17 yr old daughter. “OMG Mum whats happened?”……The poor wee darling…..silly juevenile delinquent mummy had blood dripping out of her head and running down her face!!! Scared the hell out of her. We’ve had a few laughs about it since but Not proud of that one!!

    1. Hi Lyndy. Most of us found the fast forward exercise really sad and difficult. The positive was it helped strengthen the resolve of many who were struggling too. If you can pop onto the members feed, and if you feel up to it , just post and tell our great community how you are struggling. We’ll be right there for you. Don’t feel alone.

    2. Hi Lyndy. Really sorry to hear that. Giving up the booze is certainly not easy. Have been looking for you in “Our community,” and “Members feed,” but you don’t seem to be there. Don’t know why?

  14. I have so many stories. Ok here it goes …
    Opening scene: It’s Friday. Worked a long hard week. Check the cupboard for stock. Got a 40 of rum but no mix. Better make a run and grab another bottle just to be sure. Back at home. Mouth already starting to salivate at the thought of that first gulp. But wait, first I’ll order in delivery pizza for the kids so they stay out of my way. Down my first triple shot with a bit of mix just to get the levels up. Feel the warm relaxing hit. Pizza hasn’t come yet. Pour another triple while relaxing on the couch watching a movie. Drink down in 3 gulps. Where’s the pizza? Pour another triple. Kids asking for food. I start rambling on and on. Kids leave the room. Ding dong – pizza arrives. Try paying by credit card but have a hard time seeing the numbers on the machine. Pour another triple.
    Fast forward: passed out on the couch without my pants on. One of my teenage kids covered me with a blanket. I’m so ashamed. TV still on. Smell of urine. chips on the couch and floor. Chocolate melted in my hand and on the couch. Find my pants in the bathroom soaked with urine. I hate my self. So hungover I can barely walk without falling down. I stagger to each of my kids rooms and make sure they’re ok. I do a head count. Everyone’s here and sleeping. I barely manage a shower and start throwing up. Pass out on the floor in the bathroom. Woken up by my daughter “mom are you ok?”. I lie and say I have a stomach flu. I’m on day 3 …

  15. YOU are so so brave! Thank you for sharing this. It shows me how booze will not stop till it has taken every good thing xo keep going whatever happens and I will too!

  16. Going on a business trip to sell my new product with my business partner, bored at 5 pm at the hotel so we start drinking wine and beer in the room and watching tv.

    Fast forward to 8:30 when I convince her to put her clothes on and go to the hotel bar with me to drink 2 martinis and talk to this group of dudes about god knows what for several hours. Remember falling over several times.

    The next day, I was so sick I couldn’t sell our product and I felt so much shame because I couldn’t really remember what had happened and I am married. I didn’t no anything untoward (my friends confirmed) but the lack of control was super unsettling.

    On day 1 now, and this site and everyone’s stories is helping me get through the evening craves.

  17. Family bbq last Sunday. Did all the food etc while everyone is getting it on. People leave but have already had 5/6 beers and feel pretty miffed that I’m now ready to party and OH is tired. Insist we go for more beers and sometime later pass out after about maybe another 5/6. Wake up at 8am still really hungover. Finally get up at 11am and spend next 2 days feeling like shit. Even experienced hallucinations which was terrifying. Now on Day 5. Sharing is keeping me focussed. Hugs x

    1. dinners in the slow cooker,lamb shanks.settling down with a merlot,choosing a movie to watch.feeling great.

      fast forward too 2am and i wake on the couch drunk,ive spilt wine all over the floor again,made a ridiculous fool of myself on social media,im sick,to sick to eat the shanks which are shrivelled anyway.throw myself into bed to try and sleep it off a bit before another hungover day at work
      dayone..watch this space

  18. I love this old post! It is quite depressing to start tallying up in your head all the horrible, embarrassing, dangerous, stupid things we have done when drunk, but boy does it help you remain strong about not drinking! Just remembering a few of my (hundreds) of stories totally mortified me and made me detest the idea of ever pouring the hateful poison down my throat again!

  19. Gosh. Some brave courageous people around these parts! I, like others, see myself in quite a few of these stories. So so glad to be in the mind set that I am. Nearly 40 days completely booze free! And my fast forward stories will keep me there.

  20. @farmgirl im sorry but this story was so funny I’ve been belly laughing for 5 minutes. Could totally see myself doing something like this! I’m on day 11 of being sober & feeling fab, haven’t belly laughed in ages due 2 alcohol just numbing everything so thank u!

  21. Opening scene: Friday early evening after a week of hard work and no alcohol.
    Brain: You’ve done well this week. Maybe you could have a wine.
    Me: I have an early start in the morning, have lots to do and I’m going out tomorrow night. I need to stay fresh for that.
    Brain: You could buy a bottle and just have one or two glasses, then stop.
    Me: That doesn’t usually happen. I don’t want to wake up with a headache or stay up too late.
    Brain: You need to go to supermarket anyway, You could just see if there’s a decent red on special. If there isn’t, you won’t buy any.
    Me: hmm yes I could do that….

    Fast Forward: It’s midnight, the bottle’s empty, I’ve done none of the things I intended to do in the evening.
    Fast forward: 8am, throbbing head, have woken up every 2 hours to drink water, loo, unstick tongue from roof of mouth etc. Know I will need a nap, painkillers, countless coffees, will have no energy for chores and the events I was looking forward too are now an ordeal.

    1. Oh my the good ole ‘if it’s on special I’ll get it’ that was me all over! Just amazing how trapped we get with this cycle. The brain is an amazing thing with so many little compartments storing, justifying etc. great post again a good reminder of the joys of not being trapped anymore and being sober. Happy day!

  22. I have so many bad memories and feelings associated with heavy nights drinking and many times I should have seen the signs of my dangerous drinking….. I used alcohol as a replacement for drugs in my twenties and it was so much more acceptable and was legal so it seemed normal to go and get plastered 3-5 nights a week. Im now in my early 40′s married with two amazing young children and I have just been to a party on the weekend and I know I was the drunkest most obnoxius twat there. The feelings of guilt and being ashamed the morning after were off the charts for me and this had made me address whats been a problem for many years for me…..I cant moderate at all and it was the same with drugs too……. So thats why Im drawing a line in the sand….. heres to a brighter healthier future…..

  23. Hi all, just joined up, love the ‘opening scenes’ oh yessss, home from work, wether nice and hot, plenty more hours before I need to be in bed….. why not have a couple, it’s medical after all ae…… oh and a couple of Marlboro too…. my job is stressful so why not ae…. I have too go home and deal with 4 kids so why not have a drink while doing dinner and peace out so why not ae….
    Fast forward…. s#!+ I’m a bit p! [email protected]…. sleep like crap…
    Repeat…. repeat…. repeat….
    I just want to be able to keep my couple for fun nights, not every night…. I will keep in touch xx

  24. Fast forwarding…I love the positive ones of course but the reality doses, as depressing as they may be are good ammo for when the cravings start hitting in full force.

    Opening Scene: Friday evening, DH has bought wine and snacks galore. New movies and new series downloaded. A romantic evening planned. I have my first glass at sunset with a smoke, enjoying the evening, looking forward to a whole weekend of relaxation.

    Fastforward 2 hours later: Have finished a bottle and started on the next. Constantly leaving the room, and conversation, to binge eat or drink straight from the bottle in the fridge. Get ready to watch new series, fall asleep 5 minutes in. DH tries to wake me (It’s only 8pm!!!), I’m surly and sputtering nonsense. Blackout walking around and completely incoherent.
    Fast-fast-forward to next morning: Room is a wreck, reeks of wine. Sweating booze. Can’t remember what I did before passing out. DH is annoyed and not speaking to me. I’m full of self loathing and can’t figure a way to fix the day. Guess I should just….drink. Again.
    (repeat yesterday’s sad reel.)

    Ugh! So glad all that is over!

  25. OMG just reminding me why I need and have made the choice to stop drinking I try to forget all those bad nights out so it allowed me to drink again, now I need to talk about them to remind me why I’ve stopped.
    But here goes….. One night out with girlfriends laughing joking being so excited for a whole week finally we get to go out on our own no men attached going to watch a cool band,, fast forward we get stuck into some tequila shots and I almost punch a little older lady because she got in my way. My knees gave way and I fell on the ground in front her and lots of people and had too roll around to pick myself up. My gf also getting herself in some trouble somewhere else came looking for me after finding each other we decided to catch a courtesy van home. We went to her house first and then the driver got stuck in the mud as he tried to turn the van around on the neighbours lawn (it had been raining so everything was squishy) so gf and me thought we could push him out. There we are the two of us pissed as pushing the jumbo van out of the mud, however the wheels just flicked around all the mud and all over us as we stood behind the wheels to push the van, dumb!! Still stuck and luckily for us gf’s son came out with a tow rope and pulled us out. So there I was covered in mud the courtesy van dropped me home. I entered the house and started stripping all my clothes off cause I was covered in mud from head to toe. Then my daughter said mum my boyfriend is here. As he was sitting in the couch I yelled just close your eyes. I then walked over by him and grabbed a big cushion off the couch and started squashing him with it yelling shut your eyes while I was in my undies and bras. He didn’t resist the battle cause honestly the thought of seeing me like that was more scary. I finally stumbled my way too bed and spent the next day spewing up the entire day. My daughter later told me that I nearly suffocated her boyfriend. I’m so embarrassed by that day that has got to be right up there in the book of shameful drunken things I’ve done. Luckily for me my daughters boyfriend is a nice very quiet shy guy and he still likes me, I think.

  26. Picture this:

    My husband and I get invited out to dinner at the house of one of his longtime friends and girlfriend. They are cooking dinner for us. When we get there, they offer us a beer. I take one. It’s good. I drink it and I am feeling very relaxed and happy.

    Fast Forward a couple of hours later:

    I have drunk about 5 beers/wine drinks. At dinner, in the middle of us eating, I unexpectedly push back my chair on the wooden floor (loud) and with no notice, or excuse, I drunkenly weave to the bathroom, where my vision is running like one of those old movie reels, where the same image just keeps flipping by up and down… I marvel at how weird it is… I can’t make it stop.

    I go back out and finish dinner, drink more. Hey, I’m having a great time!

    Some kids come by about something, I can’t remember what.. something about their parents being in an argument and they don’t feel comfortable at home. I, in my drunken stupor, sit on the couch with all of them and offer to “pray with them”… I’m not religious so I don’t know why I did that.

    11:00 comes and it is time for us to leave.. but before we do, I grab the guy’s warm beer that is half empty and finish it. Grab it right out of his hand.

    On the way home my husband compliments me for being so “outgoing and friendly”. Still not sure why he didn’t tear into me, because he did a lot of times later.. but for some reason, not that time.

  27. Opening scene: It’s Friday night. Family are all in a good mood. My husband and daughter are enjoying a cozy fire in the lounge. I’m in my room drinking and watching TV by myself as usual.
    Fast forward: It’s around 11 pm and I leave my room to talk to my husband about something. He cut’s me off saying he doesn’t want to listen to my drunken ramblings. I become enraged and physically attack him. I have never done this before. He fends me off. We are shouting horrible things at each other. He mentions “divorce”. Our little dog looks frightened.The kids come out asking us to stop shouting. I accuse kids of taking their father’s side. I’m shouting fucking this and fucking that. TO MY KIDS!!! I end up crying and going to bed. Wait a minute…I have one more thing to say. I go back to my husband and the shouting starts again. Husband storms out of the house and drives off. My son asks: Mummy, what’s going to happen now? What do you mean, I ask. Well, Daddy’s left, my son replies. I reassure him that Daddy will be back. My husband returns and goes to sleep in the spare room. My daughter pleads with me not to shout at Daddy anymore. I assure her I wont. I go to bed. Saturday morning: no one is talking to me. I decide I have to quit drinking.

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