Sober Story: Lesley

Wednesday 27 Dec, 2017, 12:00pm by Mrs D 7 comments

This week’s Sober Story comes from Lesley, a 64-year-old living in Tauranga.

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Mrs D: How long have you been in recovery?

Lesley: 6 and a half years (Mid-May 2011 was my last alcoholic drink).

Mrs D: What can you tell us about the last months/years of your drinking before you gave up?

Lesley: They were pretty awful. One of the things that sticks in my mind is the way my daughter used to look at me while I was drinking. Even when things were hazy I can still see that look. I felt I needed a couple of drinks to loosen me up when we went out but of course we don’t stop at a couple do we!

Mrs D: What was the final straw that led you to get sober?

Lesley: I gashed my leg and ended up in hospital with it ulcerated, for 10 days (I’d had a couple of wines). It gave me time to look at myself and quite frankly I didn’t like what I was looking at. And of course I started remembering….. OMG!!

Mrs D: How was it for you in the early days? What was most difficult?

Lesley: I attended AA for the first couple of months which was a real eye opener and I certainly didn’t want to end up as bad as some of the poor people there. It provided me with a lot of focus. AA along with the support of my family and some very good friends meant it went okay. Although that jolly bottle of wine – white wine – was still calling my name especially at 5pm when getting dinner ready – I found that really hard. To cope I used to prepare dinner before lunch some days or early afternoon.

Mrs D: What reaction did you get from family & friends when you started getting sober?

Lesley: My immediate family were delighted and so supportive. My husband attended some of the AA meetings with me for the first month. I told my closest girlfriend and still have her support. I remember when I told her I was attending AA meetings she cried. She still tells me how proud she is of me ☺

Mrs D: Experts say relapse is often a part of recovery, was it a feature of yours?

Lesley: No. I have never had even a sip. A smell but not a sip.

Mrs D: How long did it take for things to start to calm down for you emotionally & physically?

Lesley: Probably about 6 months and after 1 year I knew I was going to make it. It got me through a summer. Summer and white wine go together – but now summer and other drinks go together.

Mrs D: How hard was it getting used to socialising sober?

Lesley: I found it very hard in the beginning and we have lost one friendship due to this. But I don’t regret my sober life at all. At the end of the day the people that matter the most are the ones you can count on. My best friend has a friend who has been sober for about 30 years and he has been a great mentor for me. I phone him on occasion and have a chat.

Mrs D: Was there anything surprising that you learned about yourself when you stopped drinking?

Lesley: Just how strong I am…..

Mrs D: How did your life change?

Lesley: I’m able to say what I mean and remember it, which is quite something. I’m able to do things – just everyday things – and finish the task whatever it maybe. I’m not only in control of myself now but I’m also a more positive person.

Mrs D: What are the main benefits that emerged for you from getting sober?

Lesley: Being able to look after my grandkids. Being able to look my girls in the eye and know they were happy at last with their mum which makes me feel really good. And of course my husband – I’d forgotten just how great he is.

Mrs D: Would you do anything differently given the chance to go through the process again?

Lesley: No

Mrs D: What advice or tips would you have for those who are just starting on this journey?

Lesley: Ask for help. I emailed my girls when I made the decision to be sober and asked them for help that way. I think there is no right or wrong way- just ask. If you need to attend meetings especially at the beginning do. These people don’t judge us. And just take one day at a time.

Mrs D: Anything else you’d like to share?

Lesley: Yes. Recently my husband had a Big birthday. I stood up in front of approximately 55 people and spoke. I could never do this before as I knew the booze would be speaking. My family and close friends were al so very proud of me and once again my best friend was reduced to tears ☺

7 comments

  1. I love hearing Lesley say she coped with the difficult 5 o’clock hour by starting to prepare dinner before lunch sometimes. I was thinking of doing the same thing, so that come 5 o’clock I don’t have to be in the kitchen, cooking, when the associations with wine are strongest. I’m on Day 35 of no-drinking, but have been replacing alcohol with snacks while I’m cooking dinner, and I’ve got to stop that bad habit of stuffing my face before dinner. Great advice, great read, thank you!

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  2. Sassafrass–I am so with you! I want the sober life and I too am looking for this night December 28 to be the very last! I have tried so many times unsuccessfully but I am at a point where I am disgusted with who I am. Let’s support each other!?!? Along with this community?

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  3. What a beautiful story thank you for sharing it. I love hearing how people find so much strength inside that they never knew they had while still drinking.
    Your family is sooo much better off to have the real you there for them. Xo

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    1. Well, I’m four days into this clear eyed, clear minded journey. I so want to like and respect myself again. I’m not sure how I got to the point where I was making decisions about my personal and social life based on wine o’clock obligations. VERY few people even know this has been a problem for me. I’ve confided in my oldest daughter and my husband, both of whom are very supportive. I’m looking forward to being able to be spontaneous and do things with no thought about alcohol, who will drive, when I can get home to drink, etc. I just want to BE without wine, speaking, thinking, and living clearly and authentically. I’m only four days in, but it’s a start, right?

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      1. Cleareyes, you’re four days ahead of me and therefore an inspiration! My motivations for being alcohol free are exactly the same as those you just eloquently expressed!

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      2. Hey clear eyes, 4 days is a great start – I’m at 7 days and very happy with it. Self respect and living clearly and authentically says it all. We must HOLD THAT THOUGHT !!! happy new year

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