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Getting through wine o’clock

July 24, 2014 692 comments

Late in the afternoon is often the hardest time. How do you get through the witching hours without drinking?

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692 comments

  1. I “open up a bottle” of San Pellegrino. It’s such a pretty, fancy bottle – I never ever would have splurged on this in the past, but now I’m worth it! I don’t know why it seems like such a treat…usually only something I’d have on vacation or something. Actually, never, because I’d have ordered wine, ha ha!

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  2. Has anyone on on here heard of “HALT” ? ie, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired..? They are four ways of being that are well known to trigger drinking. I find Hungry and Tired are my strongest triggers, and it is often the way I am feeling after a hard day of work or looking after children. So “happy hour” or 4-6pm is the danger zone. The drive home from work, stuck in traffic to pick up the kids from daycare, I’m hungry, tired, and would start to think about a nice drink to soothe me and chill me out…for me? Wine..a tiny thought that develops into a huge thought in a matter of minutes…DANGER ZONE…this is when I reach for my chocolate bar and my coke zero. It’s handy to have in the car/in your bag. Trust me sugar helps a lot! And then, just put off the drink until after tea. Eat a nice big meal. Reassess. I bet you’ll feel less like drinking. But if you don’t? Have a shower or a bath. I’ve read others comments about baths on here and yes I agree- hydrotherapy works. If you’re so inclined, exercise in the evening- change your gym workout to the evening. You’ll be less likely to want to drink after doing healthy stuff. Witching hour is hard in the early days but it does get much easier.. you just have to get time up. Eventually you won’t even think about drinking at witching hour. It’s great when you are in love with the new sober life so much that you don’t want to drink at all…and I NEVER thought that would be me, but here I am! Hope my advice may help anyone who is struggling. And if you are struggling, don’t lose hope. If I can get this thing, you can! The struggle is so worth it to have a happy peaceful life! I’ll repost if I think of other things that helped.

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    1. It is encouraging to know that you have overcome the urge at witching hour that currently overtakes me. I can do a couple of days without wine and feel like I can do it and then the pull comes again and the cycle of feeling not in control of it and guilty – in case I let my kids and husband down by becoming ill – invades me. I don’t understand how I got to this point and want to stop but I can’t imagine life without drinking – I wish is never started. Any thoughts to help me would be so welcome – I need to kick it and feel free.

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    2. @nursestel I agree but would add an extra H for Happy. I don’t only drink when I’m in a negative frame of mind….having a great day or achieving something at work I’m proud of spurs me on too. Thanks for the suggestion of doing gym work outs in the evening – you are so right… if I return feeling virtuous I will be less likely to drink. Thanks!!

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    3. Great help, thanks. Definitely tired is a trigger. I work nights and the witching hour after a sleep day is definitely a trigger point, but a meal and a bath help. I guess it’s the body craving sugar, and decision making is not at it’s best when very tired. It’s nice to know that these are common triggers. Thx!

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  3. The witching hour, ah yes. Mine is around 5 as well and the thought that sets it off is, hmmm, let me see what new series or episodes are available tonight, oh and there may be a good movie as well. When I was trying sobriety I would make myself busy at that time. Distract myself long enough that 7 pm would come around and I would start feeling my fatigue. These days, while focusing on trying to be sober that voice is arguing with me all day long. I hate that battle. Wasting my day with the internal struggle and arguments over why or why not. I can manage going without if I am sick as I am now or when I am incredibly tired or have company. But when my subconscious wants it, the idea of going without makes me feel panic. Like I might be missing the party. Remember that feeling when we were young? My beer and cigarettes and TV are my friends. I am afraid of losing them. Crazy sounding I know. It’s a dysfunctional relationship we have going. Really it is the greedy beast in me that wants to suck the fire from a cigarette and wash down happiness with a bottle of beer. If I was to listen to my “true” self, I wouldn’t have an issue. There lies the battle and the Beast usually wins. Then I stagger to bed with a fast heartbeat and sweats and before I even hit the pillow I am vowing that this is the last time. That GD beast….

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    1. @Cheshirecat
      I can totally relate to what you’ve posted. When I’m in my office during the day (the days I actually make it in that is) I start googling the TV schedule to see what’s on – and i get that delicious feeling of excitement over a few hours of TV I know I will really enjoy that evening – and which I couldn’t possibly enjoy without wine. And I know what you mean about waiting and “feeling your fatigue”. I’m going to try to cultivate fatigue as a way of staying sober – i.e. get up early, exercise, work hard, then when I get home, “use” my tiredness to not drink. Anyway thanks – i’ve just joined today and it’s amazing to hear people talk about the exact same things I feel and experience. :-)

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    2. Cheshirecat, I hear you. One thing I have done is tell myself I’ll go without JUST THIS ONE NIGHT. And if I want to drink tomorrow I will. I know, it’s that one day at a time shit. But it does help. And I also get what you mean by your “friends.” I had a sick relationship with my drinking glass — I kid you not — because it represented something to me. But you can do it one day. If you wake up feeling good, you might be able to go another day. Just try for one day, that’s all.

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  4. I am trying to get thru the day without drinking…it is day 13 for me and BY FAR the hardest day. Remind me of all the cruddy things that happen when you drink. I think I have forgotten.

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    1. Hello Grateful. How are you coping now? I remember giving up smoking years ago, and trying to fill the times I craved a smoke with healthy activities – like walking up a hill locally. That was 20 years ago, and I’ll use the same method of visualising a healthy me when I crave a drink now. Maybe seeing the health rather than the ill-health may work better.
      Remind yourself why your pen-name is “Grateful.”

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    2. That’s half the problem. You forget and go do it all over again. It takes some lot of self control to keep from the booze but definitely worth it waking up the next day without a hangover free of any guilt or remorse over the night before.

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    3. Yesterday was my day 13, and it was my hardest as well. On the hard days it helps me to drink all the mocktails I want and eat cake (or whatever your comfort food is). All that is required is just to not drink that day. For the negatives to remember- the hangovers, the tummy trouble, the embarrassing calls and Facebook posts, and the worst- that horrible feeling and shame, guilt and being out of control when the buzz is gone. Hang in there, we can do this!

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    4. we don’t need to think of all the cruddy things that happen we need to find strength in the positives of staying sober. You are awesome for doing 13 days, regardless of struggle you are doing it and by that reason alone you are a success, you are strong and amazing and what a gift to give yourself. Your body loves you. Have a wonderful another day sober.

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    5. Ha ha, how quickly we forget! Nearly two whole weeks Grateful. Keep going, it’s worth it! It’s about what you’re gaining, not what you’re leaving behind (nothing, really – see Mrs D’s “bullshit” post today and all the comments. Often, it’s just about getting through the next hour. Soda and lime is a great crutch and one I quite happily adopt. Stay strong, you can do it!

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  5. It is surprising to hear how many of us have developed a habit of drinking while cooking the evening meal – it is true for me. So I have been trying to prepare dinner earlier in the day (on the days when I’m not at work), so it is just a question of assembling which doesn’t take long. I am always developing new non-alcoholic drinks but my favourite is still diet gingerale with a splash of cranberry juice and an ice cube (just love that sound!). I don’t like to drink out of a wine glass though. I don’t want to think of it as a substitute for wine. It is about breaking a bad habit and making different choices. For me, it’s all about a change of attitude.

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  6. Well here I am day 1.
    I managed 3wks AF in February by drinking soda water out of a big wine glass.
    My drinking has always been full on but lately I’ve been drinking out of a cask so prob a couple of bottles a night- Time to knock it on the head

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    1. Good for you!!!! Keep going. Sometimes it is literally one hour at a time. Meetings helped me (in the US) but I realize they are not for everybody. Also reading books, blogs and Web sites about sobriety. I saw “my story” so many times!! You are not alone and you will begin to gain a strength you didn’t know you had. Tell yourself you are doing it for a week. Then after a week try another week. It does get easier when the time starts to build up.

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  7. Wine o’clock is extremely hard for me especially after a week like I had and the fact that my alcohol issues are related to heavy hinge drinking on the weekends. There have been several Saturday mornings where I woke up feeling like crap but still finished off my drink that remained on my night stand from the night before. SMH. Sites like this are helping and I’m glad that they exist. Ive been attending group therapy sessions for the past three weeks as well and they’ve been helping. I live in the States and was wondering if anyone knew of a similar site with similar information but was geared towards the States? I love Mrs. D and have been reading and following her blog for a while now (though this is the first time I’ve posted).
    I am happy to say I am sobet on a Friday night and I was off today. Three Friday’s ago I was sloshed by 3pm. Wishing everyone success on this journey.

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    1. I just found this webpage. I’m glad I did. I drink on Friday nights mostly, but zip have wanted to quit and live a sober life for a long time.

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    2. I just found this webpage. I’m glad I did. I drink on Friday nights mostly, but zip have wanted to quit and live a sober life for a long time.

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  8. Well bless you all today and I hope with all my heart that every single one of you beautiful worthy human beings wake up tomorrow morning hangover free and start your day feeling really proud of yourselvesXXXX

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  9. I find it really interesting how so many of us find before dinner time the hardest time of day- I have often asked myself if this is in someway connected to my emotions- how I felt at that time of the day growing up when I was most likely to of been around both my parents and the incredible sad/angry/hurt energy they both carried and became very much the ‘atmosphere’ of all of 8 formative years…maybe not- but often wonder…Anyone else out there that find 4-6oclock the hardest and grew up in a home with parents that were unhappy?

    I find when I want a drink at this time I set my sights on that after dinner is done and I can run a bath and soak in it by candlelight then hop into bed clean, relaxed and SOBER knowing I made it through this day and will wake up in the morning hangover and regret/shame/despair free. And be a better Mumma to my wee boyXXX

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    1. @4dayweek

      Wow, you know you may be on to something here. I feel the exact same way. I certainly do find the hours between maybe 4:00PM – 6:00PM to be where I would have usually “decided” to drink in the evening. I definitely grew up in a home with unhappy parents. It’s like, when I consciously made the choice and said to myself that I would have some drinks tonight (some drinks for me is probably twelve beer), then any tension or anxiety I may have been feeling when I was building up to my decision was immediately lifted and I felt more relaxed.

      I still have to work on that, but I am getting better. I know it will get easier as my sober time increases.

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    2. My experiences and perceptions about alcohol when I was growing up was good. My dad was a serious, often angry person and when he and my mom had cocktails in the evening, he became nice, and funny. I couldn’t wait to be able to drink because it looked like so much fun. The daily wine started at the time I became interested in cooking nice meals, my husband and I would cook together and drink wine. I’m not sure when that changed, but its funny, I don’t look forward to spending hours in the kitchen anymore. It is just too closely tied with drinking. I hope that changes.

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    3. Funny how we are all different. I had the opposite theory–I live alone now but grew up in a happy family and have wondered whether wine-o’clock is a response to loneliness and loss of that sense of sharing at the end of the day. But I am with you on value of hanging in and getting past this daily hurdle. The joys of clarity in the evenings and mornings make this struggle more than worthwhile.

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    4. Hey, I love your blog! this me exactly. If i can get over the 4-6pm! i will make it out alive! I could’ve wrote this! i completely relate to you! thank you! I am on day one again. I really want to be amazing and refreshed. I too will look forward to my evening baths.

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    5. I grew up in a mostly happy large family environment. Alcohol did not suit my Mum – she like to keep it together and it made her feel yuk and our Da certainly liked to drink at weekends etc and was never aggressive on it. I still ended up drinking too much myself.
      Your way of managing the end of the day is grand – I like your attitude. It must be hard for people who grow up with parents out of control – I’m very grateful for the stability we had. There wasn’t lots of money but we knew where we were at. If everyone could have a soak in the bath there would be less soaks, maybe??

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  10. I find fresh or dried fragrant herbal teas help. I brew a hot pot of herb, allow it to steep, and enjoy it throughout the night. The smell is a lovely distraction too. Camomile is particularly helpful if you’re finding yourself a bit tense.

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  11. @dolly what you were were saying about what was supposed to be a fun treat, ended with mindless drinking, a wasted evening, falling asleep and feeling crap the next day, rang so true with me. I realise now I have been numbing myself, I feel so much clearer in my mind since not drinking, I sleep better, I’m more present and alert, my mind isn’t concerning itself with the next sip or next glass or next bottle, I didn’t realise what a trap I had created for myself. I think what I’m learning most now is I need to keep doing this for ME and not feel pressure to live up to society’s norm of drinking, because we are the ones who know the negative affect it has on us, it’s too easy for that half a bottle of wine shared with a friend while out for dinner one night to turn into drinking at home after work every night, so just gotta stay strong and remember why we are doing this x

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    1. Yes I so relate to wine o’clock ,
      I really struggle and have a partner who drinks.
      I have found a recipe for chai tea and have been making copious amounts of that.
      I must admit I do feel clear headed though,

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  12. Finally got to 90 days, but what has happened to me. I am thinking about drinking a lot, and feel angry when I try to imagine the “forever” without alcohol. Also have gone from happy serene girl to absolute witch! Help.

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    1. Not sure, but last time i stopped for 3 months, then caved in because I knew I could stop for that time. They told me 6 months was better. Now I’m going for a year, because why not? Interesting to hear you’re finding it hard around now, so hope you can get back to happy & serene soon.

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    2. hey jeanie – hang in there!!! 90 days is fantastic but you need to focus on today and forget “forever”. Can you stay sober today? Can you stick at it till the miracle happens and you get through the ‘witch’ stage and emerge into the ‘new you/freedom’ stage? You betcha can. Just for today – its easier than forever :)

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    3. I can relate, I am 70 days sober and the last two days have felt down, sluggish, look terrible, just like when I was drinking. Trying to distract myself, so glad I found this site today, one day at a time

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    4. there are definatly highs and lows to sobriety. I experienced exhilaration to be free of it for about the first 8 weeks, then I went low for about 3 months….. I DID come out of the low though….!!! And we soooo glad I hadn’t given into it!!! My understanding now is that it’s all part of the journey. My manta (when I was in a low) was “no one ever woke up with a hangover grateful and happy”… knowing that – kept me from falling back to drinking :)

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    5. Hi Jeanie , 90 days is awsume by the way. Our minds and emotions are like a rollercoaster as you well know, I don’t know ya story but when my stinking thinking kicks in I go to aa meetings, failing that for me exercise is my remedie. Nothing like a bit of endorfens kicking around inside my body, however for me to much exercise is dangerous, I become to complacent with my happy hobbies so mix it up a bit. :)

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  13. I am thrilled to read that a whole lot of people are struggling with this whole wine-o’clock thing too… I was so hooked on drinking wine during that stressful ‘kids home from school, where’s dinner?’ part of the day… I used to tell myself I like the taste of wine but really I like the buzz-jam feeling which helps to deaden the stress of daily events… I managed to wean myself off wine o’clock by drinking sweet fizzy cider for three evenings instead which gave me some taste and the act of boozing but without the drive to drink more wine… Then I gave up my boozy start to the evenings altogether. Tis working for three weeks now! Every night I have the same WINE noise in my head but am practising mindfullness with it where I observe the feeling, I see it and listen to it and then I somehow put some physical distance between ME and the feeling. Tis working! It is too easy to feel lost in the craving and to let it overwhelm and become bigger than it actually is…

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  14. I decided that using alcohol as a way to get through my Christchurch earthquake insurance issues to do with having no home was not a good reason to drink. I want to care for my liver and brain- all of me. I stopped on Sunday, so it’s now 5 days with no alcohol and I feel a lot better about myself. I would beat myself up for drinking, all day long. The 6 o’clock dinner cooking time is the hardest and I find myself just leaving the kitchen to get away from the grog. I reward myself with some Waitaroa sparkling mineral water.
    Alcohol dependence is insidious and the wee voice saying a bottle of beer or a glass of wine won’t mean anything sometimes yells very loud in my ear. I hope this lessens as time goes by.

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    1. Well done you. The yelling in your head does get less as time goes by. Someone told me once that imagine your sobriety date is like an earthquake happening, lots of rumbling then the further you are from the date of the earthquake the less severe the aftershocks become. Wishing you well on your journey.

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    2. I also live in Christchurch…7pm was the hardest time for me when my husband put the kids to bed and I got stuck into my secret stash of wine

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  15. All time favorite not so guilty treat is reading and savoring John’s blog,
    The Six Year Hangover. This blog has given me so much, laughter, tears, joy, insight. A true and treasured Sober Treat.

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    1. ….oops, sorry, I was trying to post this in ‘Sober Treats’, somehow wound up here, still in a panic that I will crash this site ever time I hit the post button.

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  16. I get on the minitramp and bounce for 15 minutes to the music channel on TV. Then I have a snack before I start cooking dinner. Cooking dinner hungry is a trigger for me to crave wine. Even if I eat too much for the pre-dinner snack and lose my appetite for dinner I’d rather have to put half my dinner aside and eat it at breakfast with my self respect intact.

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    1. I often confuse hunger with the desire for a drink. I think it comes from using drinks as a snack food substitute in my twenties when alcohol didn’t seem to effect my weight. Agree with you that it’s better/healthier now to have the snack!

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  17. I have a problem with alcohol but it’s not like most people’s. I have been in the habit of drinking about half a bottle of bubbly a night, most nights a week. I don’t really want to stop drinking altogether but I want to have control, and I don’t. As soon as I’ve had one glass, I have to have another, until my half bottle is gone. Sometimes I even drink it when it hasn’t been in the fridge, and sometimes, when I am meant to be having a night off, someone will turn up to visit and I am always so relieved because it’s an excuse to have a drink. I think my problem is that because my drinking is not having much of an effect – I don’t drink much, I don’t get drunk and I don’t get hangovers – I have less motivation to deal with it. And here I am at ten to wine, knowing there are two little bottles in the cupboard but I have sworn off till Saturday. Anyone else like this? And by the way – what an inspiration all you people are, and thanks to Mrs D for kicking it all off. If I hadn’t seen her on TV I wouldn’t be writing this…..

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    1. I’m a lot like that. I wasn’t even sure I had a problem that was any worse than any one of my drinking friends. When I decided to quit, I convinced myself it was so I could lose weight. Maybe a little denial on my part. I can’t be quitting because I have an alcohol problem, right? What I found when I quit convinced me that I do have a problem with alcohol, and that the road I was going down was leading to nowhere good. I had a hard time the first week and discovered all my triggers. I became mindful of why I drank, and I discovered it wasn’t just for fun and relaxation. I was drinking to avoid feeling uncomfortable. I didn’t drink a ton, but always enough to get that buzz, and I did that every day. I learned that HALT was very meaningful to me. Someone commented earlier that H should also be for “happy”. I totally agree. I found that I drank to even everything out. I wasn’t even comfortable just feeling happy because with happy there always comes something bad, at least in my mind. My advice after having had a whopping 35 days AF-if you’re not sure you have a problem, try quitting for 100 days, and be mindful of your thoughts. The little voice problem drinkers hear is called different things… including a demon, or “wolfie”. That voice will harp on you, lie to you and make you feel like you’ll never have fun again if you stop drinking. He’ll tell you that you’ll never make it. That it’s not fair that everyone else can drink and not you. Even before I admitted to myself that I may have a problem, I used to wonder if I did. It took quitting to find out that I do. Problem drinking never gets better, it only gets worse. We’re lucky because we haven’t yet damaged ourselves as much as some have. I feel lucky that I saved myself before it ruined my life.

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    2. Hi, I am confused as to where the problem is to be honest. You don’t drink more than the daily recommended, you dont get drunk or hungover? You love wine and you seem to have control so why not just enjoy those drinks? I look forward to chocolate and wants a little some everyday- does that mean I am a chocoholic and have a problem? I wish I was like you. But I would finish the bottle and then have more- always have a hangover and regrets. Unless its a problem FOR YOU because you actually don’t want to drink the stuff for whatever reason and find you cant leave it alone…then find a replacement drink with no alcohol?

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    3. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I don’t drink much but I do it every day. Like you I rarely get drunk and I can’t remember when was the last time I had a hangover….. consequently I also have less motivation to deal with it. I am so ready to stop because I have been doing this forever and I am just tired of the dullness I feel after those 2 or 3 drinks. I beat myself up about it the next morning and then turn around and do it all over again in the afternoon. For me it is partly a bad habit and partly that I really do think I have a problem and cannot continue this way without having health issues eventually.

      I keep reading blogs and stopping by sites like this hoping I will figure out what will work best for me one of these days.

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    4. I’m similar to you. I wasn’t drinking much and hardly ever got hangovers but when I was drinking (sober since July 12th) I felt unsafe to not have wine in the house and just felt I had to have it every day. I kept saying “I’ll only drink on social occasions” but I kept using it to relax me while I was cooking the dinner (it made cooking dinner seem more fun somehow). I kept saying that I just couldn’t stick to it. That and the fact that my doctor told me that my genetics meant no level of alcohol was safe for me (re breast cancer) was what finally made me decide to get sober. I also found out from going to a seminar by a neuroscientist that alcohol makes the brain more rigid (so it’s harder to form new neural pathways like when you need to learn something new or make changes in your life).

      It’s so much easier for me to not have it at all. I’ve done 2 social occasions without it now because I know if I have it when out I will start having it at home again. Wonderfully, one of those occasions was the best night out I had had for a long time. Excellent conversation and laughter with friends I hadn’t seen for ages. Only one person on the table of four of us was drinking. It just shows that you don’t need alcohol as a social lubricant.

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  18. I try to get together a couple of nights a week to play tennis with friends or go to the gym and take a step class which is very high energy. I also LOVE a good kick boxing class as it works away the “demons” so to speak. Cardio is my 5:00 “go to” now rather than Kendall Jackson.

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  19. It really helps to make a thing out of having a soda water in a tall fancy glass with a slice of lemon and an ice cube, then sit and really enjoy that first sip.

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  20. I have to remove myself physically from the kitchen and fridge. It’s tough getting myself out the door, but I start planning early afternoon where I’m going to walk or drive or one day get back on my bike.

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  21. I make myself a lovely coffee or buy a nice one on the way home and sit down and enjoy it. Not quite the same hit as a good old vino but still something to savour and look forward to.

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  22. My tool throughout my sober 2.5 weeks was the phrase ‘play the tape to the end’. I’m sure you are all familiar with this idea but I can elaborate if not……

    Sadly I just played the first scene of the tape yesterday, didn’t play it to the end, and here I am again, day 1.

    X

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    1. I too am at day 1 again :-( feel like such a failure when I have so much desire to be alcohol free and then succomb so easily come Friday night. I’m not going to give up giving up though. So pleased to have found this site thanks to Nigel Latta.

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    2. You know what Rachel, same here. At least you were 2.5 weeks. I was 4 days & 3 nights without a drink, then last night the call of 1/2 bottle of wine in the fridge was too strong after a crap day at work.. There is a BUT though. Where once I would have kept going & opened another bottle because I’d feel it wasn’t enough, last night I didn’t & followed up my 2 glasses with pineapple juice. I didn’t beat myself up this morning though but congratulated myself for stopping. Small steps. Lets start again :)

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    3. @Rachel… add up the glasses of gin/wine/toxic what ever you won back in your 2.5 weeks, and be proud your war chest with this battle in building a bloody good foundation of a future… Don’t bash yourself up because you won for 2.5 weeks… be proud you did your graft… hell, I was lucky to last one day… you show me up girl… Be interested in peoples adjustments to there 5 o’clock trigger when daylight savings comes of goes… does that clock change alter the trigger, it did for me, over 2 decades… I still ponder where that courage came from to respect the time as 5 pm, rather than 6 pm as it was day before… if that makes sense… see even the current drinkers might nod quietly and recognize a time shift for an hour takes the pressure off to drink until the new 5 pm… something to build on perhaps…win a glass back, own it proudly…

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    4. Sometimes to learn what we can do we must also learn what we can’t. Walking away from drinking is kind of like walking away from a bad relationship in which you’ve invested a lot of yourself. It’s so tempting to give it one more try, just to be sure. I wonder how many people are successful on their first go sobriety.

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    5. And you know what, Rachel? That’s ok! Drink plenty of water today and shake off the guilt. No one ever continued sobriety with guilt. So, pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and repeat after me. Today is a new day and I’m doing my best! One day at a time girlfriend, you’ve got this, if you want it more, than you want anything else.

      Justine xx

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  23. You people are amazing. I couldn’t even get through one week sober. Am living a life of shame, fear, hangovers and misery. Reading your comments inspires. Me to try, try, try again. Big thanks for this site

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    1. I am starting to understand that all the times i have sworn I am never drinking again and then have are not all FAILS but all part of my journey to finally SUCCEEDING to never have another drink. I hope and pray that this is the beginning of it now!!! I have battled with the internal struggle with booze pretty much ever since I started nearly 30 years ago as a young teen!! NO MORE BEERSIES FOR ME!

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    2. same- well i managed dry July- JUST- but then got back into it. I am 3 days sober and this time I mean business but know it will be a roller coaster. You are not alone. I hear you xx

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    3. me too. me too. I go a couple days and don’t think about it and then whammo! Back with a vengeance. I know something is missing from my life…I am trying to fill a void blah blah. but Damnit why now? I went so long without drinking at all!!!

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  24. I like to have some chai tea and put my headphones on. Music effects the body, mind & spirit! I was listening to the Kinky Boots soundtrack and couldn’t help think that Raise you up/just be would be a great song for this site~
    “Celebrate you to elevate you, when you struggle to stand we’ll take a helping hand. If you hit the dust let me raise you up, when your bubble busts, let me raise you up, if your glitter rusts, let me raise you up”
    Mrs. D, you have mastered the 6 steps at the end of the song, thank you for your commitment to recovery!!

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  25. So Mrs D calls this the ‘witching hour”… has anyone else ever wondered about the fact that we adults get cranky at the same time as babies do? We’re all assuming that 5pm is the time we want a drink because we created that habit… but what if the 5pm time came first? What if our emotions feel that much rawer at 5pm because of something physical going on – just like when we were babies – and as adults, we learnt over time to numb those emotions with drink?

    So I googled ‘witching hour’ and found these handy tips (so OK I’m not sure how we adapt ‘wear your baby’ but we can definitely do the burping)…

    Here are some simple techniques that can help alleviate your newborn’s evening crankiness:
    Focus on the sleep – read up on tips for sleeping better.
    Hold your baby and walk/bounce/rock/dance/etc to calm them down.
    Wear your baby.
    Burp, burp, burp.
    Change your diet.
    Recite your mantra, like ‘This too shall pass.” Just keep reminding yourself that eventually, this will get better! Because it will. It always does. A few months from now, the fog will most likely lift, and those evening crying sessions will be a thing of the past. And thank goodness.

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    1. Very interesting thought – a bit like which came first, the chicken or the egg? Maybe a part of the body’s natural trigger cycle – 5/6/7pm, a need for something that we’ve discovered we can ‘solved’ with wine ?
      Going to wear my baby tonight, hug her and give her some tlc. Thanks for that thought … love Cherry

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    2. I really like this idea. What a great thought, it makes a lot of sense! Thanks for planting this seed in my mind, I will try and remember this at 5pm.

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    3. HaHa, I like this, especially the walk/bounce/rock/dance with emphasis on dance. Will have to try music and dance in the evenings.
      This is definitely and interesting perspective.
      Wear you baby could be hugging your baby or child or spouse, etc.

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  26. I cannot comment on the partner issue who drinks as I am alone domestically, have mostly been single, no kids… for those asking about getting through wine o’clock, or what ever your trigger is, I can only share what stayed off the craving, frenzy and degradation of that first admitting of a problem with that first sip of that session…

    Yes i did hate myself for a perceived lack of metal…

    I said at the first shimmer of want, SEE, here is irrefutable, categorical, absolute iron clad evidence why that shit is no good for me… then I would get through the next ten minutes… this battle is won, one glass at a time for some people…

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  27. Late comment for Anonymous. Does your husband drink because he just likes it? To hide something? Forget something? Get over something? I know I never liked my wife talking to me about it. In the end, it was my decision. Initially with the help and support of Mrs D. More recently with the continued help of Mrs D, everyone else on the site, and my family.

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  28. One reason I decided to “wait” to do the 100 day challenge is because I’m going on vacation soon and know that it would be too difficult! Lately I find that I obsess more about drinking when I try to abstain. If I let myself drink occasionally I find that I don’t think about it constantly. I’m not a normie, but I also can stop drinking after a couple. My issue is numbing. I want to give it up so I deal with all my emotions good and bad. But sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it.

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    1. So much of this resonates with me. I can have 2-3 and be done. For the night DONE. then the guilt sets in…..even after 1!!! Its awful. I want to be free of this but obviously not bad enough.

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    2. I too seem to obsess about drinking more when I’m trying not to drink. I’m hoping this will get better with time. A friend told me to just take it one day at a time and one day I’ll be free.

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    3. Yes Gwinnie I know how you feel. Alcohol definitely numbs your emotions , For me facing up to my emotions may mean crying so much I can’t stop. It seems easier to drink plus I enjoy it! I have only lasted 4 days since I saw Lottas programme but that is good for me! Keep battling because I will be too!

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  29. I paint my nails! I paint my nails a lot though, I am a nail artist (not my day job though) and I love that it keeps my hands and my mind occupied :)

    I also do pilates classes in the evenings and I know I can’t go to pilates if I’ve been on it!

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    1. Totally great idea! Thank you Lucretia. I might try this too. Tone up and stop drinking altogether, yay! I definitely think for me that I need to substitute alcohol for something good and exercise in the evening at home where it is possible for me to exercise could be the alternative I need. When I drink my time is taken up with drinking so there is no exercise happening there and between working and children it is difficult to get to a gym during the day. I will try this tonight, thank you.

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