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Socialising Sober

July 24, 2014 337 comments

What do we say to people who ask why we’re not drinking? What are some clever ways we deal with social events?

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  1. Some comebacks … I have developed an allergic reaction to hangovers… I choose life! Saving money to buy a mansion. Starting a retirement fund. Tired of being broke and living month to month….

  2. I am yet to deal with this one. My Dad drinks and all we have ever done is drink together when i go to visit him. This weekend I will be telling him I’ve knocked booze on the head.
    All of my social situations involve alcohol so i also am asking this question of myself. I have a session at CADS next week so will be good to run it past the councellor.

  3. This is a tough one for me. Most of my friends are drinkers and the main thing we did together was drink… So when I say “no” to alcohol they treat it like a very temporary thing. Like, “Okay, well let me know when you’re done with this non-drinking thing.” My friends unknowingly minimize what I’m trying to do and my accomplishments to date. Just writing this makes me realize I may have to let these types of friends go. I need to seek out those friends that still support and form real, richer relationships. It’s a challenge I’m not ready to face. Need to focus on me right now – worrying about socializing and friends will need to be put on the back burner. At least it’s cold and getting dark early. I tend to hibernate in the winter anyhow so I guess good timing!

  4. I have been saying that I’m not drinking for my health and alcohol is a little like chocolate for me, it’s just much easier for me to not have any than it is to just have one. Almost everyone I said that to nodded in agreement.

  5. I need some help with this one. It’s early days yet and I’ve only had 1 occasion that I’ve been offered a drink. I said I was on antibiotics, and that worked fine. But the holidays are coming up and I want to have a few other valid sounding excuses. Not quite ready to get into detail with people about the real reason I’m not drinking. Any advice? Thanks in advance!

  6. ALWAYS having someone hold my drink when I go out to smoke or go to the restroom at concerts & other public events. Don’t want to pick up the “wrong” drink by mistake or take the chance (and I’ve heard this before) of somebody tainting my beverage.

  7. Hi Pipi, I am not proud to admit that I was once over zealous in wanting others to drink with me. Now that I have embarked on an alcohol free life style I realize how it was my own need to feel affirmed in my own drinking that motivated me to try to be persuasive.

  8. “It doesn’t serve me anymore”. I like that one. Simple, and honest without revealing that by “serve” you mean that in fact, you weren’t in charge of it… and that is the best reason to quit.

  9. I am just trying and starting this…
    I have been socializing in AA and outside a little

    I have been speaking more with my dad and Brother which has been great.

  10. My inspiration to remain successful is knowing my new and only granddaughter will never see her Nana drunk and will only every know me sober and loving.

  11. Trust me when I say, the USA isn’t much different than NZ in terms of the % of teatotalers. I’m luck to have moved,back to the Midwest and the % increases here…more conservative. Actually, I was,probably one of the heaviest drinkers in my circle, so it makes it easier for me to deal with social situations.

    My big problem is boredom. Even when I was drinking I had to be doing something. Everything just seemed more entertaining after a glass of wine…or two. I’m retired so spend a LOT of time alone. I even find myself more entertaining after a couple glasses of wine. (My dog feels the same way.)

    Oh my. This could be a tough one. However my plan is to live to be 100 and that could be tricky without a liver. LOL

    Good luck everybody.

  12. I love the comment I feel better when I don’t drink
    Will be using that one this weekend. I have a celebration Saturday with a group of friends I will
    Be having my club soda while they all
    Partake in alcohol. I need this work on having fun
    Without alcohol and getting past the thinking I
    Have to drink to have fun

  13. I don’t worry about clever and I don’t feel the need to share my story when asked why we aren’t drinking. I just keep it simple and say, “I never drink. It doesn’t suit me.”
    And if someone persists I just say, “Really I am not going to have a drink. Please stop asking. Thanks.”
    Seems to work…oh and I never allow myself to feel awkward about it…because I love sober.

  14. I’m on Day 2, and have a big social event every weekend for the next 2 months. My go to is going to be one of the following depending who is asking,
    1. “I’m the sober driver”
    2. “I don’t feel like it tonight”
    3.”If you had my hangovers…you wouldn’t drink either”

    I’ll see how I go, I’m sure I will get shit as my family are big drinkers and don’ like non drinkers lol

  15. I have not had a drink in 2-1/2 years and I’m still having issues with anything we do that I had previously drank. Which I guess is almost everything! Vacations, dinners, picnics, weddings, etc! I keep thinking maybe I could just drink on special occasions, but a few days later I realize I wouldn’t stop. I have tried N/A beer and mock margaritas (beer and margaritas were my go to drinks), but it seems that alcohol gives me satisfaction and the virgin drinks just add calories. I miss socializing. I explain how hard this is to my husband, but he doesn’t understand, he thinks just quit and there should be no issues. It usually starts an argument since he just doesn’t understand. So I don’t talk to him anymore about it. Since I quit drinking our invitations have dropped too. People you thought were friends were actually only alcohol buddies. When asked why I quit I’m truthful, I had a problem just having a few!

    1. I’m struggling with this too, hate having to explain myself and being made to feel like a party pooper, I recent drank again after visitors convinced me I was being anti social and that anyone can have a couple…well couple of bottles of wine maybe, yikes, hope we will figure this out. I hate social I occasions now where there’s lots of drinking and I used to love them, well we all know why ..

  16. I can get the same way in hay fever season with white wine. It can also be a reaction to 221. But that’s not gonna bother me anymore because there will be no more white wines for me!!!

  17. I normally say that I’ve done a lot of exercise that day and need to hydrate first. Then I get a water in a wine glass and no one asks me again.

  18. Day 1 for me ,have to do this ,sick of the wasted weekends when I’m to hung over to enjoy anything really .Tired of continuing bargaining with myself . Last night drank wine then moved on to my sons expensive gin .Shameful

  19. Hey team,

    I’m 120 days sober today and an Honours design student in Wellington. I’m thinking of designing a platform or group where people can connect and make friends with other people who’ve decided to stop drinking. From my experience and talking to others at uni, it can be a bit lonely on a Friday or Saturday night when all of your friends are out drinking and you don’t feeling like being a sober driver or explaining why you’re not drinking… Have you found this to be an issue? And would you be interested in meeting sober buddies in your area and having sober activities to do? This website has a few suggestions like potluck dinners and stuff (http://www.narconon.org/blog/sobriety/twenty-drug-free-sober-activities/).

    Would love any suggestions or input you can offer :)


    1. I’ve been having feelings of loneliness leading to resentments about choosing to not drink. I would be interested in meeting sober people in my area and having sober activities. Thanks for the link.

  20. I tell them the truth! My drinking was getting the best of me so I quit! I will go to the bar once a week to test myself and have a soda instead of a beer. I socialize for a brief time and go home. I have a lot of friends that still drink and they admire my self control thus far. They are drinking friends that know I have made my limits and do not ever push me. These are true people in my book. People who are supportive, yet they choose to sit and drink but are understanding of my delicate condition and my choices.