That is BULLSHIT!

Wednesday 27 Aug, 2014, 4:30pm by Mrs D 77 comments

“You’ll never have fun at a party again if you stop drinking.”

That is BULLSHIT! A party is fun if you are with good friends or relatives, you’re relishing the fact that you’re not at work, you’re happy in your outfit & are in a good mood, the nibbles are delicious, they play your favorite music, the jokes are funny, you’re bonding with new people. Booze does not have all the power to make parties fun.

“I’ll never enjoy a romantic evening sitting on a hotel balcony with my partner staring out at the ocean if I can’t share in a martini with them.”

That is BULLSHIT! Of course you can enjoy a wonderful romantic moment on a hotel balcony without booze. You’re in a hotel! On holiday! Looking at the ocean! Not at work! With your lover! Why does booze have all the power to make that moment special. It is special just because of what it is.

“I can’t properly celebrate my children’s weddings if I can’t toast the bride and groom with champagne.”

That is BULLSHIT! You’re at your child’s wedding for pete’s sake. They’ve met someone they’re supremely happy with and they’re making a big public commitment to each other. All your extended family are there and everyone is so happy. You have new clothes on and have had your hair & makeup done especially (or if you’re a bloke maybe you’ve trimmed your nasal hair..!). Delicious food is on offer and fun music is to come and there will be heartfelt speeches. Why does the lack of champagne in your glass detract from this amazing day?

“I’ll never be able to de-stress from my busy week with a nice glass of red wine at home on a Friday evening.”

That is BULLSHIT! Ok so there won’t be red wine but it’s Friday! You’re at home! Work has finished for the week! You can put your comfy loose-elasticated pants and slippers on. There’s a delicious meal cooking and some good TV to look forward to. The phone is tucked away and you have two days of relaxation ahead. Red wine doesn’t de-stress… it temporarily pushes aside and (often) makes things worse in the long run. Look at the other relaxation measures you can take and fill that wine-glass with something far lovelier than shitty booze and sleep well for once..!

You get the point. Please feel free to add your own examples of this ‘That is BULLSHIT’ technique below. We are so hard-wired to believe all these myths about alcohol and what it offers to our lives and how it is all-powerful to make events special and fun. Once you start calling ‘BULLSHIT’ on all these thoughts it’s so freeing.

Because really… all of it is bullshit. That’s what I think anyway.

Love, Mrs D xxx

77 comments

  1. You can’t enjoy fishing without a bourbon beside you
    or after a long day hunting ,be by the fire with a brew
    or if its a hot day you gotta have a drink
    its an evil friend to have dont ya think
    only thing that changes is that you no longer care
    you believe without a drink you will lose your flair
    i’ll only have one and i will only just sip
    I GOTTA TELL MYSELF THAT ALL I BELIEVED WAS UTTER BULLSHIT

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  2. I’ve got a good one – ‘ a glass or two of wine helps the creativity process and problem solving’ – UTTER BULL – I know for a fact my ‘insightful strategy’ to resolve the divisional problems sent at 2am after half a bottle of vodka was, at best, not well regarded…..I could barely decipher it myself once I’d sobered up.

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    1. This resonated with me @stroppybird my go-to was to pour a glass of wine, which then turned into 6 and paint. All in the aim of letting my creative juices flow, what a load of bull. My creative juices have been flowing since I was a very young child and I’m sure some of my artwork was much better back then too then some if the sloppy drunken messes on canvas I ended up with in the morning.

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  3. I needed to read this…thank you so much for posting it!! I am newly sober (5 days straight and 11 out of the past 12 days). I’m feeling really good about it until I think about Christmas Eve and Christmas night dinner. I always stumble when I get to this though because in my head the meal is not complete without a bottle of red wine to accompany it.
    But…. that is BULLSHIT!! Those meals are special because of the traditions of what we eat, the good china out, the gathering of my family at the table, and the excitement of Christmas that is in the air (especially with my 8,6, and 4 year olds in the houspe).
    It is not special because of a glass of rotten fruit. That wine has no power to make the meal special – it is special without it. It was special in spite of it. Actually, it was probably made less special because of it since the meals would get hazy towards the end.
    I’m going to refer back this post often….whenever that thought that I NEED a glass (bottle) of wine to complete the meals creeps back in I’ll pop back here and remind myself that this is BULLSHIT.
    Merry Christmas … and thank you!

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    1. Congratulations on being 5 days sober. The first Christmas being sober is hard but just think of how great you will feel when you have spent the day with family without it getting hazy towards the end. I made sure I had lots of non-alcoholic treaty drinks for the day and why not treat yourself to an after dinner present for the bottle of red wine that you haven’t drank. Wishing you a Merry Xmas full of food, family and friends.

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  4. I just don’t know how humanity survived doing all these things with no booze. Imagine..They must have been a glum lot before we were made to believe the golden juice was the only way. No music or dancing or speeches or jokes, or sex,. tsk. How fortunate we all are now to be able to get shitfaced so we can do all that!
    I am being trite, sorry.. There are many alcoholics whose complaints aren’t how do I relax or toast the bride. So many living on streets, suffering in institutions, losing their families, jobs, lives, sitting in 12 step groups. We have a chance to get our lives in order before it ever comes to that.

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  5. it’s normal to relax with a bottle of wine at night.. I’m always hearing that one.. bull shit!! it relaxed me into a pissed up gibbering vile person.. who couldn’t read my book or focus on the tele or watch a film and know what was going on!!!

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  6. On the subject of the mis-perception of “fun”; I had an interesting (bit of a downer actually) experience lately where I confided in a friend and told her about this journey that I am on – alcohol free, now nicotine free, became caffeine free (only because I suddenly developed a distaste for coffee) plus have been eating pure foods because I figured it’d speed up the healing process. Her response? “I hope you don’t become a fun sponge!” Felt deflated and thought “FUCK YOU!!!” This is my journey and I don’t actually give a shit about being “fun” for the benefit of others. I wasn’t put on this planet to make other people feel good, and quite frankly I’ve had enough “FUN” for a fucking life time. I realise people get intimidated by the idea of others cleaning up their lives (probably because it might shine the spotlight on their own), but still! GAAAAH!!! (Still pissed off and it happened about 3 days ago!)… … … … Right, rant over ;-)

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    1. @Mrs D and @freebreezi thank you both so much for your encouraging comments! Really appreciated – do feel the love in our wonderful Living Sober community! It’s an amazing thing x

      @Mrs D, on the note of the notifications, I don’t think they work the same if we comment on a blog or reply to a comment on a blog – I’ve double-checked my emails but I don’t have notifications for these (I just decided to check back here and found your lovely comments that way :-) )

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    2. Totally get where you are coming from katerina, chin up though as this journey is totally yours and totally about you and totally for you. I think we need to remind ourselves that when we choose to tell people so that their reaction if it’s not what we want isn’t that big a deal either. Who knows what your friend on the inside is dealing with and if your strength caused her to feel fear for herself and so she reacted defensively. I have to remind myself this to as I am going to be “found out” at a function this weekend which I am sure will result in another friend being told who doesn’t encourage the whole not drinking thing. Hers is defensive. As for a fun sponge, turn that one round and know you are, soaking up all that fun just makes you so much more fun!!!!!
      Have a wonderful sober nicotine caffeine free day. Admirable strength and what a way to love yourself.

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    3. Katrina,
      I have people tell me that also about my sobriety. Things like, “Oh, you don’t have a problem” and “You are not going to be as much fun.” It is such a slap in the face.
      I also have started telling people who ask why I don’t drink anymore that I have had my lifetime limit of alcohol.
      Frankly they all can kiss my $%^. I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I have to do what is best for me and my sobriety.

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    4. Hey @Katerina, I’m still in very early days but It’s so important to get the right support, this week I sat down with a very clear and constructive argument and explained to all my friends and family (a brave move) that I NEED to do this and I really want their support…. Those that agree to help and give you positive re-enforcement about your decision are the ones worth holding onto. If you know in your heart of hearts this is the right decision for you, coming out and telling those close to you will really help not only because they will be able to help keep you on the straight and narrow but also because you will be able to sort the wheat from the chaff and figure out who is worth taking with you on your journey. If they really love you they will support your decision, and there’s always us lot here online when you want some objectivity…. Anyway we just need to listen to our hearts and intuition, the clarity will come just work through the messy bit one day at a time. Also above all else the one person you need love from is you, I think you have done something AMAZING!! She’s probably just jeleous ;)

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  7. Drinking after work makes me a more fun relaxed parent….. I’m sorry but bull fucking shit!!!!!! Last night I made the best Lego creation ever and not a wine in sight. Pissed Lego creations never worked so well :) love, love, love being present for my daughter

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    1. Oh I love this @authentic made me crack up out loud!!!! That used to be my excuse every single night!!!! My connections with my kids has ten folded since making the decision not to drink!!!! Our daughters deserve parents who are present through all the lego making, cookie baking and bedtime routines. Yay for sober parents!!

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  8. I haven’t read all of these – so if I’ve repeated something I apologize.

    “I won’t be able to enjoy fishing (or any favorite hobby) unless I drink.”
    That’s bullshit – if you truly enjoy your hobby you want to get better at it. Giving it your full attention will only improve your results. If the “hobby” was just an excuse to day-drink, then I’m sorry, you should find another.

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  9. BS no.1: Wine is a drink. NO. Misconception. When you are hungry, you eat. Food stops your hunger. But when you are thirsty, wine does not stop your thirst. It even makes you more thirsty…it dehydrates your entire body. Alcohol is not a drink. It’s simply a drug, which sole purpose is to alter your ability to use your brain

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  10. Day 46 for me. Saved almost a grand in drinking money…

    I can’t fall asleep at night without my night cap…
    That’s bullshit – sleeping tablets work much better hahaha!!!

    Seriously, that was one of my excuses to drink, but then I didn’t really need an excuse – I just drank, because that was all I wanted to do.

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  11. Today’s my first day of trying to live a sober life. I am a red wine lover, a glass of red wine can easily turn into two bottles on any given weeknight. It may be a strange day to start because it’s my husband’s birthday, but I always say tomorrow I’ll start so why not today. We’re going to the spa later and I immediately think I have to start tomorrow so we can enjoy a nice drink at the spa. But THAT IS BULLSHIT. I need to focus on the fact that my husband and I are lucky enough to spend an enjoyable night together getting pampered. Thankfully he is beyond supportive. Wish me luck!

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  12. I really needed to join this group today and to read your post, I had almost 9 month of sobriety and took off to an alumni reunion at my alma mater for the weekend. I had a plan..a hotel room with someone who doesnt’ drink and a sponsor in AA. I drank the second night I was there. I can’t tell you how sick it made me the next day and how awful I felt about loosing my quit. I got caught up in the moment and the desire to drink became so strong in me.. I didn’t fight it . I called me sponsor the following day and one of the things I learned is that I needed to be more honest with others about why I am not drinking..I was too afraid of loosing this so called friendships and tossed my sobriety date to the wind. The irony of it all is we vacationed in florida the entire week after this with family..booze in the house all week but I had no desire to get near it..I am still dumb founded over that but happy that I see even more clearly how much more I value my sober lifetyle than the old one filled with booze. Cunning, baffling, powerful indeed. Today is day 9 and I am still ashamed I slipped. Appreciate words of wisdom in how to ditch the shame..

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  13. I really think we need a t-shirt…

    On the front it says, “That’s Bullsh%t” and on the back is says, “…because being sober is awesome.”

    Sherry

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  14. Watergirl, you will never get to sleep without me. You need me to get you to sleep.
    That’s BULLSHIT, I have had the best sleep in the last five weeks with out you .!!

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  15. I can’t enjoy a beautiful meal without beautiful wine to match. BULLSHIT! If the food is mouth watering good I will enjoy every single mouthful of it.

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  16. You can’t enjoy music and live concerts without getting pissed first. BULLSHIT!! I went to The Voodoo Lounge Stones concert in Auckland and had to go again the second night coz I couldn’t remember the first. I went to their next concert in Wellington a few years later, and stayed at some flash $500 a night house above Oriental Bay, (which I organised for our group) and slept on the floor coz I got in a huff, and can barely remember the concert or the flipping house!! Loser! WHAT BULLSHIT!!
    (Going again in November to the Auckland concert………fourth time lucky one would hope!!) hahahaa

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  17. You can’t enter into a room full of people for the works christmas party without a few drinks to give you confidence – BULLSHIT. How hard was it to walk that tightrope, enough to supposedly try and relax but not so much that you got too drunk. You actually feel far more confident sober as you know you don’t need to worry about how much you’re going to drink.

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    1. Oh yes, the BIG CON BULLSHIT TRICK! I’m still taking baby steps but love this idea of the Fast Forward ( fuck off) Bullshit Button. It’s like the ejector seat button in a fighter plane or James Bond 007 fast cars.

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  18. You won’t have anything to ‘do’ in the evenings without your nightly bottle of wine, life will be boring. That is bullshit! Suddenly you will have so much to do; like interacting with other human beings, actually taking in what you read and watch on TV, going out and meeting people, truly feeling emotions, genuinely engaging in life. Suddenly that solitary, lonely bottle of wine seems like the boring alternative to a full and fun evening.

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    1. Absolutely! I cringe when I think about all the nights I wasted sitting out on the deck by myself, getting drunk. Never doing that again! There is so much more to do sober!!!

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    2. I really do not know how I am going to function without my brew. Its been a dear friend to me for such a long time. We have spent a lot of good times together; especially when I am lonely. I really don’t know how I am going o make it. Im so scared and excited. Im a soft 40 something and really dont have a true desire to quit, but I know I can’t keep on living like this. I constantly feel like I’m the only one here on the planet with this pain I feel. email me if you want to. Im not a self-pitty person, but sometimes I cant get passed being mad at others for their inefficiencies. [email protected] give me a chat

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    3. Well said! Not having to read the same page over ‘cos the next night you can’t remember what you read in your book the night before!

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  19. You will lose the favourite “fun” people in your life because you aren’t the fun, hilarious person you used to be. That is total Bullshit. In fact because now you are listening properly you can be more of a friend than ever and form even better, deeper relationship. Yes better.

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    1. Last year, I was in the midst of one of my never drinking again phases. (Sadly it was only a phase, but THIS year’s phase will be forever). Anyway, I went to a massive family party, a 50th wedding anniversary for my in laws. I was not feeling great and was really struggling not to drink. I just felt like sitting in a corner and having quiet one to one conversations with whoever fancied a long chat. I ended up having a fabulous one hour chat with my nephew – I knew he was feeling very troubled, although I did not know exactly why at the time, and we ended up discussing authenticity and how it is good to do what you want and not what others expect. Anyway, fast forward a year and it is said nephew’s 18th party with speeches. He stands up and thanks ME for the amazing chat we had the previous year, and says thank you for always being there to REALLY talk to.
      How amazing is that , what BULLSHIT to think that we need alcohol in our lives. Now I am feeling all teary !!!!!

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    2. Well said Squizzi
      And to go along with that theme, the people that say oghh how are we going to have fun now without you….. that is bullshit too…

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  20. You can’t make new friends without alcohol being involved.
    That is BULLSHIT!
    None of the great friendships i have exist because of alcohol. They were made in school, in university classes, during work hours, at the school again as a parent and they remain because of everything other than alcohol. I had one friend where alcohol was actually the key to our friendship, and guess what? I didn’t last.

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  21. Got one! I wont be able to share my deepest hardest secrets with friends unless I am a bit pissed. Well that is total BULLSHIT!!! If I know them well enough, of course I can. And if I don’t know them well enough, then I shouldn’t anyway – and would only regret getting boozed and “telling all” anyway.

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    1. So true! I’m guilty of spilling the beans on a few things when I was pissed and regretted it deeply the next day. Now I have experienced restraint and it feels good.

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  22. I wont be funny when I am sober! That’s BULLSHIT!!! When I am funny, I am fucking funny, and when I am just being a dick, I am that too. More likely to be a dick when pissed than funny anyway :)

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    1. Ditto. I’m quick with funny one-liners when I’m sober. When I’m pissed I can’t think quick enough. And when I do, they’re never as funny.

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  23. Alcohol helps you to relax. Bullshit! Alcohol turns you into an incoherent, unpleasant, unlikeable SLOB! I mean, how “relaxed” do you want to be!?

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