Wednesday 27 Aug, 2014, 4:30pm by Mrs D 82 comments

“You’ll never have fun at a party again if you stop drinking.”

That is BULLSHIT! A party is fun if you are with good friends or relatives, you’re relishing the fact that you’re not at work, you’re happy in your outfit & are in a good mood, the nibbles are delicious, they play your favorite music, the jokes are funny, you’re bonding with new people. Booze does not have all the power to make parties fun.

“I’ll never enjoy a romantic evening sitting on a hotel balcony with my partner staring out at the ocean if I can’t share in a martini with them.”

That is BULLSHIT! Of course you can enjoy a wonderful romantic moment on a hotel balcony without booze. You’re in a hotel! On holiday! Looking at the ocean! Not at work! With your lover! Why does booze have all the power to make that moment special. It is special just because of what it is.

“I can’t properly celebrate my children’s weddings if I can’t toast the bride and groom with champagne.”

That is BULLSHIT! You’re at your child’s wedding for pete’s sake. They’ve met someone they’re supremely happy with and they’re making a big public commitment to each other. All your extended family are there and everyone is so happy. You have new clothes on and have had your hair & makeup done especially (or if you’re a bloke maybe you’ve trimmed your nasal hair..!). Delicious food is on offer and fun music is to come and there will be heartfelt speeches. Why does the lack of champagne in your glass detract from this amazing day?

“I’ll never be able to de-stress from my busy week with a nice glass of red wine at home on a Friday evening.”

That is BULLSHIT! Ok so there won’t be red wine but it’s Friday! You’re at home! Work has finished for the week! You can put your comfy loose-elasticated pants and slippers on. There’s a delicious meal cooking and some good TV to look forward to. The phone is tucked away and you have two days of relaxation ahead. Red wine doesn’t de-stress… it temporarily pushes aside and (often) makes things worse in the long run. Look at the other relaxation measures you can take and fill that wine-glass with something far lovelier than shitty booze and sleep well for once..!

You get the point. Please feel free to add your own examples of this ‘That is BULLSHIT’ technique below. We are so hard-wired to believe all these myths about alcohol and what it offers to our lives and how it is all-powerful to make events special and fun. Once you start calling ‘BULLSHIT’ on all these thoughts it’s so freeing.

Because really… all of it is bullshit. That’s what I think anyway.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Today’s my first day of trying to live a sober life. I am a red wine lover, a glass of red wine can easily turn into two bottles on any given weeknight. It may be a strange day to start because it’s my husband’s birthday, but I always say tomorrow I’ll start so why not today. We’re going to the spa later and I immediately think I have to start tomorrow so we can enjoy a nice drink at the spa. But THAT IS BULLSHIT. I need to focus on the fact that my husband and I are lucky enough to spend an enjoyable night together getting pampered. Thankfully he is beyond supportive. Wish me luck!

    1. Dear Anne, great post, I appreciated it. I hope you are well. That’s fantastic that your husband is supportive. Very helpful!

  2. Day 46 for me. Saved almost a grand in drinking money…

    I can’t fall asleep at night without my night cap…
    That’s bullshit – sleeping tablets work much better hahaha!!!

    Seriously, that was one of my excuses to drink, but then I didn’t really need an excuse – I just drank, because that was all I wanted to do.

  3. BS no.1: Wine is a drink. NO. Misconception. When you are hungry, you eat. Food stops your hunger. But when you are thirsty, wine does not stop your thirst. It even makes you more thirsty…it dehydrates your entire body. Alcohol is not a drink. It’s simply a drug, which sole purpose is to alter your ability to use your brain

    1. Wow that’s a good one. Thanks. Reminds me of a sober writer who says she’s glad she didn’t poison herself w ethanol last night. That speaks to me, too!

  4. I haven’t read all of these – so if I’ve repeated something I apologize.

    “I won’t be able to enjoy fishing (or any favorite hobby) unless I drink.”
    That’s bullshit – if you truly enjoy your hobby you want to get better at it. Giving it your full attention will only improve your results. If the “hobby” was just an excuse to day-drink, then I’m sorry, you should find another.

    1. I appreciate this. While part of me has been a passionate person who takes immense pleasure in learning and doing new things and things I love… somewhere along the line the other part has taken over: the one who wasn’t getting much pleasure out of life so drank to make things seem okay. Since I have never made it past 4 months sober, I know I still have work to do to truly do what I love so I dont need alcohol to make me feel like my life is okay… as I reflect in this, I’m realizing how critical this is. Thanks.

  5. I really needed to join this group today and to read your post, I had almost 9 month of sobriety and took off to an alumni reunion at my alma mater for the weekend. I had a plan..a hotel room with someone who doesnt’ drink and a sponsor in AA. I drank the second night I was there. I can’t tell you how sick it made me the next day and how awful I felt about loosing my quit. I got caught up in the moment and the desire to drink became so strong in me.. I didn’t fight it . I called me sponsor the following day and one of the things I learned is that I needed to be more honest with others about why I am not drinking..I was too afraid of loosing this so called friendships and tossed my sobriety date to the wind. The irony of it all is we vacationed in florida the entire week after this with family..booze in the house all week but I had no desire to get near it..I am still dumb founded over that but happy that I see even more clearly how much more I value my sober lifetyle than the old one filled with booze. Cunning, baffling, powerful indeed. Today is day 9 and I am still ashamed I slipped. Appreciate words of wisdom in how to ditch the shame..

  6. I really think we need a t-shirt…

    On the front it says, “That’s Bullsh%t” and on the back is says, “…because being sober is awesome.”


  7. Drinking after work makes me a more fun relaxed parent….. I’m sorry but bull fucking shit!!!!!! Last night I made the best Lego creation ever and not a wine in sight. Pissed Lego creations never worked so well :) love, love, love being present for my daughter

    1. Oh I love this @authentic made me crack up out loud!!!! That used to be my excuse every single night!!!! My connections with my kids has ten folded since making the decision not to drink!!!! Our daughters deserve parents who are present through all the lego making, cookie baking and bedtime routines. Yay for sober parents!!

  8. I just don’t know how humanity survived doing all these things with no booze. Imagine..They must have been a glum lot before we were made to believe the golden juice was the only way. No music or dancing or speeches or jokes, or sex,. tsk. How fortunate we all are now to be able to get shitfaced so we can do all that!
    I am being trite, sorry.. There are many alcoholics whose complaints aren’t how do I relax or toast the bride. So many living on streets, suffering in institutions, losing their families, jobs, lives, sitting in 12 step groups. We have a chance to get our lives in order before it ever comes to that.

  9. I needed to read this…thank you so much for posting it!! I am newly sober (5 days straight and 11 out of the past 12 days). I’m feeling really good about it until I think about Christmas Eve and Christmas night dinner. I always stumble when I get to this though because in my head the meal is not complete without a bottle of red wine to accompany it.
    But…. that is BULLSHIT!! Those meals are special because of the traditions of what we eat, the good china out, the gathering of my family at the table, and the excitement of Christmas that is in the air (especially with my 8,6, and 4 year olds in the houspe).
    It is not special because of a glass of rotten fruit. That wine has no power to make the meal special – it is special without it. It was special in spite of it. Actually, it was probably made less special because of it since the meals would get hazy towards the end.
    I’m going to refer back this post often….whenever that thought that I NEED a glass (bottle) of wine to complete the meals creeps back in I’ll pop back here and remind myself that this is BULLSHIT.
    Merry Christmas … and thank you!

    1. Congratulations on being 5 days sober. The first Christmas being sober is hard but just think of how great you will feel when you have spent the day with family without it getting hazy towards the end. I made sure I had lots of non-alcoholic treaty drinks for the day and why not treat yourself to an after dinner present for the bottle of red wine that you haven’t drank. Wishing you a Merry Xmas full of food, family and friends.

  10. You can’t enjoy fishing without a bourbon beside you
    or after a long day hunting ,be by the fire with a brew
    or if its a hot day you gotta have a drink
    its an evil friend to have dont ya think
    only thing that changes is that you no longer care
    you believe without a drink you will lose your flair
    i’ll only have one and i will only just sip

  11. I’ve got a good one – ‘ a glass or two of wine helps the creativity process and problem solving’ – UTTER BULL – I know for a fact my ‘insightful strategy’ to resolve the divisional problems sent at 2am after half a bottle of vodka was, at best, not well regarded…..I could barely decipher it myself once I’d sobered up.

    1. This resonated with me @stroppybird my go-to was to pour a glass of wine, which then turned into 6 and paint. All in the aim of letting my creative juices flow, what a load of bull. My creative juices have been flowing since I was a very young child and I’m sure some of my artwork was much better back then too then some if the sloppy drunken messes on canvas I ended up with in the morning.

  12. On the subject of the mis-perception of “fun”; I had an interesting (bit of a downer actually) experience lately where I confided in a friend and told her about this journey that I am on – alcohol free, now nicotine free, became caffeine free (only because I suddenly developed a distaste for coffee) plus have been eating pure foods because I figured it’d speed up the healing process. Her response? “I hope you don’t become a fun sponge!” Felt deflated and thought “FUCK YOU!!!” This is my journey and I don’t actually give a shit about being “fun” for the benefit of others. I wasn’t put on this planet to make other people feel good, and quite frankly I’ve had enough “FUN” for a fucking life time. I realise people get intimidated by the idea of others cleaning up their lives (probably because it might shine the spotlight on their own), but still! GAAAAH!!! (Still pissed off and it happened about 3 days ago!)… … … … Right, rant over ;-)

    1. Hey @Katerina, I’m still in very early days but It’s so important to get the right support, this week I sat down with a very clear and constructive argument and explained to all my friends and family (a brave move) that I NEED to do this and I really want their support…. Those that agree to help and give you positive re-enforcement about your decision are the ones worth holding onto. If you know in your heart of hearts this is the right decision for you, coming out and telling those close to you will really help not only because they will be able to help keep you on the straight and narrow but also because you will be able to sort the wheat from the chaff and figure out who is worth taking with you on your journey. If they really love you they will support your decision, and there’s always us lot here online when you want some objectivity…. Anyway we just need to listen to our hearts and intuition, the clarity will come just work through the messy bit one day at a time. Also above all else the one person you need love from is you, I think you have done something AMAZING!! She’s probably just jeleous ;)

      1. I have just read this @Felicity and i hope you are a professional counsellor/therapist and if not, then you should be. Your wise words are full of insight, wisdom and truth. Thank you :)

    2. Katrina,
      I have people tell me that also about my sobriety. Things like, “Oh, you don’t have a problem” and “You are not going to be as much fun.” It is such a slap in the face.
      I also have started telling people who ask why I don’t drink anymore that I have had my lifetime limit of alcohol.
      Frankly they all can kiss my $%^. I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I have to do what is best for me and my sobriety.

    3. @Mrs D and @freebreezi thank you both so much for your encouraging comments! Really appreciated – do feel the love in our wonderful Living Sober community! It’s an amazing thing x

      @Mrs D, on the note of the notifications, I don’t think they work the same if we comment on a blog or reply to a comment on a blog – I’ve double-checked my emails but I don’t have notifications for these (I just decided to check back here and found your lovely comments that way :-) )

    4. Totally get where you are coming from katerina, chin up though as this journey is totally yours and totally about you and totally for you. I think we need to remind ourselves that when we choose to tell people so that their reaction if it’s not what we want isn’t that big a deal either. Who knows what your friend on the inside is dealing with and if your strength caused her to feel fear for herself and so she reacted defensively. I have to remind myself this to as I am going to be “found out” at a function this weekend which I am sure will result in another friend being told who doesn’t encourage the whole not drinking thing. Hers is defensive. As for a fun sponge, turn that one round and know you are, soaking up all that fun just makes you so much more fun!!!!!
      Have a wonderful sober nicotine caffeine free day. Admirable strength and what a way to love yourself.

  13. it’s normal to relax with a bottle of wine at night.. I’m always hearing that one.. bull shit!! it relaxed me into a pissed up gibbering vile person.. who couldn’t read my book or focus on the tele or watch a film and know what was going on!!!

  14. It is bullshit waking up day after day feeling tired and anxious. I can change this but only me. I want this to stop and to live a normal life. A life without fear and guilt. It is so easy to make excuses to drink over any little problem.
    I saw this quote which I could relate to my drinking when life’s problems come along.

    Don’t do something permanent my stupid for a temporary upset.

  15. Had a hard day at the office, just want to sit down, soak up the last rays of sun with a large glass of red….That is BULLSHIT!!!!! ( Have learnt to be ‘ still’ and soak up the rays:) There should be skull and cross bones on booze bottles like the deterrent on cigarette packets.

  16. I am grown up, sophisticated and sexy when I drink … ummmm ….. BULLSHIT … yeah, for about 5 minutes until I start slurring and leaning and spilling and being too loud!

  17. The wine industry glamourizing wine …thats bullshit!!!
    They market it so that we think we need it in our lives…thats bullshit. Wine tastings…absolute bullshit…there is nothing glamorous about us drinking or the taste of wine!! It’s ugly and its ugly to our kids and family!

  18. The “That’s Bullshit” tool is a good one! When I read your post though, Mrs D, I can’t help but yell in my mind – “just push the fast forward button!!” The person drinking at the party soon becomes the loud, obnoxious, then over emotional or stroppy one who ends up throwing a punch then eventually stumbles home – hopefully alone or with their partner, not someone elses!

    The wedding toast is where everyone starts out beautifully dressed, polite, with that lovely candlelit, sunsetting, wedding glow – fast forward and people are totally ripped and probably vomiting in the bushes or all over their fancy clothes that now look totally out of place. I made a stupid, unplanned drunken speech at my best friend’s wedding years ago that still makes me cringe today when I think about it – mostly because I can’t even remember what I said!! I wasn’t that much better at my own wedding! God forbid if I make stupid, drunk speeches at my kid’s weddings – the thought of having to cringe about that for the rest of my life is making me even more determined to continue to stay sober!

    The sitting on the balcony with a martini (don’t like them myself) becomes more drunken behaviour that is far from romantic by the time you pass out on the bed and don’t remember much the next morning.

    We hold that romantic idea in our minds and it might be that way for the first drink but for so many of us (not necessarily everyone) it doesn’t end well.

    Day 29 today – looking forward to 129, 229, 329 and beyond!

    1. Ah weddings!!! I was so drunk at mine 33 yrs ago I can barely remember it.I had a triple vodka before I left the house and it was downhill from thereon.My poor new husband had to carry me to the hotel that night and I promptly fell asleep in a drunken heap. Good start to married life!!

    2. Awesome! Love that fast forward.So true.Think of kiwi 21st parties with yard glasses.Ugh,you bring up your child and feed them the best you can afford and to celebrate their coming of age they down a disgusting amount of beer skulling a yardie and kill a few zillion brain cells or vomit it back up.His mates think it’s a cool tradition and has to be doneThat’s bullshit!
      Think of stag do’s.Men get the groom rotten drunk ,fast forward and he’s doing something with a stripper his future wife would kill him for.That’s bullshit!
      Us kiwis need to grow up.

  19. I won’t be able to enjoy a long lunch on a summer’s day without a glass of ice-cold sav. That is BULLSHIT! Sunshine, great food, relaxing and having a good laugh is what makes a summer’s day lunch.

  20. Alcohol helps you to relax. Bullshit! Alcohol turns you into an incoherent, unpleasant, unlikeable SLOB! I mean, how “relaxed” do you want to be!?

  21. You can’t enjoy music and live concerts without getting pissed first. BULLSHIT!! I went to The Voodoo Lounge Stones concert in Auckland and had to go again the second night coz I couldn’t remember the first. I went to their next concert in Wellington a few years later, and stayed at some flash $500 a night house above Oriental Bay, (which I organised for our group) and slept on the floor coz I got in a huff, and can barely remember the concert or the flipping house!! Loser! WHAT BULLSHIT!!
    (Going again in November to the Auckland concert………fourth time lucky one would hope!!) hahahaa

  22. I can’t enjoy a beautiful meal without beautiful wine to match. BULLSHIT! If the food is mouth watering good I will enjoy every single mouthful of it.

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