The 24-hour cycle of a boozer

Wednesday 21 Jan, 2015, 12:11pm by Mrs D 16 comments

Member @maryisnotafairy posted this in the Sober Toolbox recently and I thought it was bloody brilliant so am featuring it here as a blog post. At the time of posting she said “this really took me back to the last year of my drinking. My best tool is thinking through the drink. I never want to return to this reality.” Great, fighting talk and such a brilliant technique – otherwise known as Push the Fast Forward Button.

Please let me never forget the miserable boozy reality I was stuck in when boozing. This was me ALL OVER. Drink, regret, repeat. Drink, regret, repeat. Drink, regret, repeat. What utter madness is this? It’s called addiction folks…..

Diary of drinking:
4am – oh god, it’s only a few hours until I have to get up.

6am – snooze button, snooze button, why did I drink so much?

7am – I really need to get up, I’m gonna be late for work, I’m not drinking this evening, I promise.

7.30am – I’m gonna be sick, I just brushed my teeth and I feel awful. My stomach hurts, I just threw up in the shower, brush my teeth again, mouthwash, my stomach hurts.

8am – Driving into work, hope I don’t get stopped by the police, I’m probably still drunk, please don’t let me get stopped by the police, let me just get to work and I’ll never do it again.

9am – I’ve made it to work, were’s the coffee, I need some gum, hope my manager doesn’t notice, coffee and gum, coffee and gum, no one will notice, I can get through this, only 8 hours to pass.

11am – I have a client, hope they don’t smell the alcohol on my breath, I need more gum and more coffee, I can do this, just get through this one meeting.

1pm – Made it to lunchtime, get something to eat, soak up that alcohol, I’m almost there, half way through the day, you’re nearly there, just hang on.

3pm – Afternoon coffee, have a few cups, I’m not feeling too bad, what am I doing this evening? I’ve no plans, I may as well enjoy self, maybe I should have a beer, watch a film, kick back!!

5.30pm – Clocked out of work, feeling alright, on the way home, there’s the liquor store, it would be no harm in picking up a little something for later, I deserve it, I’m feeling good.

7pm – Cooking dinner, let’s open that wine, this is what people do, a few glasses of wine with dinner, nothing to worry about.

10pm – Might as well have a few after dinner drinks as I watch TV, a few whiskies before bed, what can it hurt.

2am – Just woke up on the sofa, really need to go to bed, dear god hopefully I’m not too hungover in the morning, let’s drink plenty of water, hopefully I’ll be fine in the morning.

4am – Oh god, it’s only a few hours until I have to get up!!!!

16 comments

  1. Yep that’s the cycle alright. Ditto, ditto and ditto. Some nights I’d manage not to drink (because I still felt really rough from the night before) but to celebrate not drinking on a night I’d double my intake the following night because I deserved a treat. Thank god for being free of that crazy merry-go-round.

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  2. Oh god, waaaay too bloody familiar. I don’t miss that shit one little bit. The guilt, the regret, the complete crapness of it all. So bloody happy to be sober and actually living a life. I wouldn’t go back now, no bloody way.

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  3. Yep pretty much me too this is day one I am away for the night for work I drove out of town at 6.30am to the most amazing sun rise blue sky with huge pink fluffy clouds. It felt like I was driving into a new life with tears streaming down my face hearing you all shouting from the island. Its funny how we all know deep down this is so wrong and one day we will all have the bodies and life’s we deserve. All of the sudden the passion from the first dating days in our marriage will return very deep down I knew in order for me to change my life I had to change. One of you said you had to look in the rubbish bin to see if you had eaten last night, in the past year I have starting skipping dinner almost every night. I know my husband was worried but he never said a word part of me resents him for that. I had to get very creative about asking the right questions because I could not remember what he told me, I knew he noticed but still never said a word. I still functioned but we have lost the deep connection we use to have and are at our most connected at weekends doing things during the day before 5pm hits (he hardly ever drinks). I want so much more from my life and Mrs D that post about being at weddings and functions and feeling it all is so true. I have also been doing a detox your soul course with Panache Desai highly recommend and what lead me here. I have his beautiful meditations for morning and evenings but of course use to wake up snoring to the night one not having registered a thing. He talks of our shadows and is very much in letting deep feelings wash over and away we all know we where holding something down with our drinking like a beach ball under the water now I am about to discover what is was and release it.

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  4. I lived like this for years, and I was good at my job. I don’t know how I did that hell for so many years. And it was hell. Remembering the hell of those days keeps me sober many a day because no matter how bad a sober day can be, it’s never a day like above. Did I say hell enough times, lol?

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  5. […] One of the struggles in life in general, and for individuals in sobriety, is the ability to see the small moments of happiness. The little flashes of everyday life that make a difference. Anne over at ainsobriety is talking about that this week. She says: “It is the constant small moments.” I would agree. A cup of tea…a hug…a smile…a sunrise…the smell of fresh brewed coffee…a hot shower… All small moments of happiness that occur every day. What are your small moments and did you notice them today? The 24-Hour Cycle Of A Boozer […]

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  6. This was my life just yesterday. Its dead on. As soon as this depression, guilt, and lack of sleep pass me…I will be looking forward to changing this cycle.

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  7. That sounds way too familiar. The thing is, as soon as you are able to break that pattern – even if for a few days, it feels so heavenly that you wonder how you have managed to survive that not-so-merry-go-round for so long! Even for those struggling to achieve long term sobriety, every day that we are not perpetuating that cycle makes us stronger and wiser. Rewiring and learning to fly!!

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  8. What a hell hole of a life!! Funny how we can justify it as being normal at the time. Apart from that shadowy worrying inner voice that knows we’re on the slippery slope, wanting to get off and face up to ourselves, then shrugging it off and continuing this crazy cycle year after year. Why? Because it is easier. Because we doubt our ability to rein ourselves in and muster the guts and courage it takes to change the shape of our lives. Because we are afraid. Of change. Of failure. Of boredom. Of what others will think. Well that was then and this is now. Now we are not afraid. Now we Know how to live our lives. Now we know and experience and feel everything. Now we have @Mrs-D and this brilliant safe haven, and each other to lean on and learn from and share our joyous secret. Life out of the Hell Hole gives us ourselves back, and from here we grow and all the good in us expands.

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