Thick Sludgy Mud (warning: laboured metaphors within)

Thursday 7 Aug, 2014, 6:14am by Mrs D 74 comments

That’s how I think of early sobriety. You’ve jumped off the Boozy Cliff into a ginormous field of Thick Sludgy Mud and you have to wade your way through it to get to Peaceful Sobriety Island.

It’s hard bloody work. Your brain freaks the fuck out that you’ve taken away it’s beloved drug … you brain also keeps bombarding you with all these hard-wired messages that alcohol is a necessary part of life, the golden ticket to fun and a harmless liquid to be imbibed at will. Most likely your friends and family will also (subtly  or overtly) bombard you with those messages, as will clever advertisers.

So you’re fighting against your own brain and the entire world (it feels like) and you’re stuck in Thick Sludgy Mud of early sobriety feeling raw, emotional, drained, obsessed, confused… aaarrrggghhh! Jeepers it’s no worry so many people stop-and-start all the time.

But this is why we need all of the folks in recovery hanging out happily on Peaceful Sobriety Island to stand up and wave out. “Keep Going!!” we cry… “keep going, you can do it, you’re doing so great, go gently, treat yourself kindly, keep going.. it’s going to be ok, look at us we’re over here never touching alcohol ever and we’re feeling great!!!!”.

I’m doing one of those double arm waves as I shout out.

I’ve been dancing around this online recovery world for nearly 3 years now talking to people in all stages of recovery, commenting on blogs, responding to emails etc, and those are the lines I most often type out. They may seem trite and overused but they’re the simple powerful truth.

Keep Going.

You can do it.

You’re doing so great.

Go gently.

Treat yourself kindly.

Keep Going.

It’s going to be ok, look at us, we’re over here never touching alcohol ever and we’re feeling great.

This is why I’m hoping lots of people already in recovery join Living Sober to help promote Peaceful Sobriety Island (I warned you I’d be labouring metaphors in this post…!).. because those of you either still on Boozy Cliff or stuck in the Thick Sludgy Mud of early sobriety need to know that these are places you can get out of. They are stages that can be overcome. They will pass.

So long as you keep moving ahead.

Love, Mrs D xxx

74 comments

  1. Hi Mrs D. I have been following your story for some time now. I just need to take the leap and get the confidence I CAN DO IT! I just do not know where and how to begin. I know if so many in this community do it is possible.

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  2. I’m day 3 and I absolutely love this site. So encouraging and comforting to know that I’m not the only one struggling. Right now I have a very acute awareness of the waves of cravings that come and eventually go. It’s definitely hard work staying the course but I’ll do anything to not go down that boozy, lonely, blackout, embarrassing road again. If I go back … I will die. That’s the bottom line. My strategy so far is to just focus on being present in the moment. I don’t worry or think about 5,10 or 15 minutes into the future. Just live the moment you are in right now. Remain calm and breathe through each wave of cravings (even though your scared and not feeling brave – just do it! It will pass). Much love to everyone! We can get through this!

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    1. To you and Anonymous….thank you for the inspiration! I just joined this group a couple of days ago and I’m telling myself I’m strong enough to make this Day 1! Need to get up at 4:30 am so only a few hours till bedtime…and I’m counting the minutes!

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  3. Oh my gosh I am 2 days in and I am petrified I won’t make it!!! I have very stressful job and cannot go to AA as known in my town ! You are all so incredibly inspirational and Mrs D you nail so much in you blogs thank you this is first time I have posted didn’t. I have read every alcohol sobriety site and this one is great! But still I am worried !

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  4. The island awaits me – I look forward to arriving – I am on my way and will not look back – only forwards – thank you for being there – I look forward to meeting those heading there and chatting on the way and those who are waiting to haul me along with my new found travellers from the mud on to the sandy shore and provide us with a lovely cup of tea!

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  5. I hope all is going well for you!! I’m just checking in. I do on occasion. 279 days into my sobriety. I have never posted just looked for encouragement in the early days. Go here to check out what day I’m on now and CELEBRATE my new life. I love my sobriety and it does get easier!!

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  6. It’s really good to see another 2017 comment.

    From many of the other posts, it seems there is quite a bit of activity. And that is what I’m looking for- something very current to relate to and engage with.

    Hope you are well. I am on my second bottle for the day.

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  7. I just found this site and I’m on day 1 again for about the 100th time. I’m wondering how long it takes to initially get through “the mud”? A while ago, I did 30 days sober and I think remember feeling like it was getting easier towards the end. I knew in advance it was only 30 days and proceeded to celebrate by partying my butt off. What’s the point in that?! I really need to get sober, I’m starting to spiral out of control. Tips for beginners who are tired of failing?

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  8. I love the thick sludgy mud metaphor! I use the ‘hard drive with a virus’ metaphor to describe myself at the peak of compulsion. My brain was the computer hard drive and alcohol was the virus that I allowed in to take control. I was me but not me. Some functions I performed normally and many from the outside couldn’t tell the difference. But the alcohol was really in control of some major functions and decisions (bastard!) and I needed some major reprogramming and a huge reboot to the ass to get my control back. :-)))))

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    1. Hi Mrs D. I have been following your story for some time now. I just need to take the leap and get the confidence I CAN DO IT! I just do not know where and how to begin. I know if so many in this community do it is possible.

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    2. you can! I was the last person who thought I could ever get sober – 15 years of very heavy drinking which destroyed every relationship I had, was a sometimes awful mum to my three kids and thought I needed alcohol to deal with grief, sleep, and basic functioning. I got really tired of hangovers a couple of years ago though. I’ve only been sober for two weeks but it’s life changing – some of my myths that I had told myself for all these years (and many before during my binge drinking days) are actually not true – I can sleep without it, I can actually FUNCTION without it! I have been watching lots of TV and brought a ton of herbal teas and fizzy waters (have these in a wine glass at night). You can do it (I say that with certainty because I did)
      xxxxx

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  9. Hi just read your post and wondered how you were doing,am on day 2 after a 3 day binge of 6 bottles of wine av had enough. To see the hurt in my partners eye yet again I know I have to stop. I feel guilty and ashamed of what I have become. Anyway I really hope you have stuck with it and all the best

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  10. Ah yes the thick sludgy mud is where I am right now and thank you for the light at the end saying it gets better, I was wondering today if its ever going to get better. Its Day 10 today and I have no idea how I have even made it this far without my best friend wine. I almost convinced myself AGAIN this afternoon that the odd glass on the night before my only day off will be fine, surely I can cope with that. NOT I cant remember how long it took last time I gave up for 9 months until I started to cope. I think the thing that is the hardest is I have had to change my whole social life, all of our friends drink and drink a lot so Its going to be very lonely for a while as I will not deal with being around them, they are all huge triggers, THANK God for all of you and this site. I once took myself off to the drug and alcohol centre for help in my town and left feeling more than ever that I needed a drink, the woman I talked to looked like someone I would have partied with and was absolutely no help what so ever so I never went back after my one and only visit.

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    1. Hiya just read your post, I do the same thing just think ah well surely I can have just cple glasses wine after a busy day, but No! I never no when to bloody stop, it’s all or nothing. Really looking forward to no more hangovers, day one and I have one today, it’s the worst, I love being feeling healthy , can’t even fathom the damage I’m doing to my body, good on you 10 days is 10 days

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  11. I’m on this side of the pond, as well, BeeGirl. After much lurking, podcast listening and blog reading, I’ve come to think that the New Zealanders have a much happier, more supportive and lovely view of sobriety and recovery than us Yanks do!

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  12. Thankyou for that post. I keep jumping but can’t swim very well…so I climb back to my drinking friends on the cliff. where I feel comfortable and safe (I guess?). I want so much to be on the happy, healthy island. Im building a raft and I’ve told all my friends…Monday April 25 is my launch date :)

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  13. Hello out there on Peaceful Sobriety Island! I feel like I’m on a one-woman island myself right now…. still new at this and struggling mostly with solitude and, oddly, with celebration. I just passed a huge exam last week and am turning 50 this Sunday. It’s so tempting to raise a beer to celebrate, with siblings or by myself. The posts here are intelligent and insightful. It would be great to hear some encouragement… though I’m not sure where to post this. Will it get read here?

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  14. Hi Mrs. D
    I’m just starting out and thought I was doing really well- 18days sober and for some reason thought I could have a glass of wine with dinner last night. I just had one but wanted another and now I just feel so disappointed and angry … Any words of advice?

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    1. Hi there, my advice is to pick yourself up point yourself forward and keep going! Keep a positive outlook, keep a vision in your mind of who you want to be (calm and happy and sober) and an image of who you don’t want to be (boozy and unhappy) and just forge ahead. don’t beat yourself up too much, it’s a hard thing to get rid of (booze) but it can be done, good luck! x

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  15. I am so in the sludgy mud right now. After doing so well for 18days I decided to have a glass of wine while out for dinner with my husband, who advised me not to (so I did). And yes I wanted a second which he talked me out of. I am really p….d off with myself and feel abut of a failure right now

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  16. early mud mum glorious mud … however my wonderful wise nurse steph is utterly delightful and funny and with this/ the mud is not so dense more .

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    1. Hi there. I’ve just joined a few days ago too. Yup scary….I do lots of what they call lurking! You are the first person I have communicated with. I hope your day has gone well and the evening not to much of a struggle. Stay strong, I’ll keep a look out for you.

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  17. hi I love your blog and have been trying for a few days to join the living sober group but it keeps coming up with an error and says to contact webmaster which then gets sent back as an invalid e mail address? would you be able to help
    thanks

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  18. Thanks for this Mrs. D and thanks for you and your blog. This is my first comment after lurking for the last week and a half. Day 11 over here across the big pond. It’s been helpful to read that it gets easier. Thank you for that.

    I’m wondering, not only am I in the sludgy mud(it’s actually going ok, just a little bit thick right now) but I’m also across the pond of the Pacific. Are there any sister sites that you partner with on the east side of the puddle? Or is it ok for us Americans to join you here in your space? Thanks again for being here, and keep waving to us from over there!

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  19. I like the sludgy mud metaphor – I also think it is the same when boozing as that’s just how I feel trying to climb out of this bottle like I am down the bottom without any climbing ropes or harness and my feet won’t grip the side of the glass bottle – as I shout my voice echoes inside the bottle like thunder reminding me of the storm I’m caught up in.
    I feel like a prisoner trapped in this silly idea – yet one drink and nothing is silly anymore at least that is how it seems…and so it goes on until that habit is broken. I often come back to the idea that none of us were born with a drink in our hand so how did it get there in the first place and why do we think we need this stuff anyway? it isn’t something that we need to survive but we choose to include it – we choose to have it – we choose to be in this place – and that is how I am approaching it this time – a choice.

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    1. Thank you for reminding me that this is a choice…sobriety is MY choice. No one is making me do it. If they tried, I know my stubborn personality would make me choose to keep drinking, at least for a little while.

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