On my lowest days I sometimes have glum thoughts about my sobriety. It happens rarely nowadays (at 3+ years sober) but it does happen, and always when I’m tired or stressed or miserable. In other words when I’m vulnerable. When I’m vulnerable my stupid brain will start manufacturing thoughts designed to make me feel worse. They go like this….
“You don’t get invited anywhere because people think you’re boring.”
“People talk about you behind your back, they say you’re a dirty alcoholic and dodgy person.”
“You’re no fun now you don’t drink. You used to be fun but now you’re not.”
“People are wary of you, they think you’re judging them so they stay away from you.”
It’s all such bloody crappy bollocks. Honestly – why would I create such bullshit?
Because as I said before, it happens when I’m feeling low emotionally and vulnerable. It doesn’t happen when I’m on an even keel. When I’m feeling good about myself I think differently. I think like this.
“People will like me if they like me, not because of anything to do with my relationship with alcohol.”
“Who cares if other people don’t think I’m fun, my fun is my business and when I’m having fun it’s fun for me!”
“Maybe some people do talk about me behind my back but that’s their business and I can’t be bothered wondering or worrying about it.”
The fact of the matter is I am sober and I don’t touch alcohol ever and never will for the rest of my days. Giving up alcohol has had a profound impact on my life and 99.9999999999% of it is positive. If there are any negatives resulting from my sobriety in regards to what other people think about me I’ll accept them because they are far outweighed by the positives.
And my stupid brain can piss off with it’s negative self-talk when I’m feeling low or vulnerable. I have no time for that crap!
So there.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Coming up on 365 and haven’t stopped by in awhile to visit you, sure glad I did. I needed these words. Went camping last week and came home refreshed because not once did I stress over running out of beer. It was an amazing feeling. I to struggle with the self thoughts of what is everyone saying. I dislike those vulnerable days but they are becoming fewer and far between. I’m trusting my strength more these days. I get busy with my life and forget to check in here and every time I do you says something to get me through excately what I’m going through. Awesome to be sober with you guys!!!
Thanks Mrs. D for your candid post! I’ve read this a couple of times, as I’m getting my head around still about people thinking I’m not fun anymore. I’m the same in many ways, more balanced + I laugh more and I speak a lot less shite than I used to, which caused me endless bouts of self-loathing. It used to baffle me a little in my 20s when I’d meet sober people who were actually happy. I could not figure it out. And then in my 30s and 40s when it became more of a problem, I thought of these people of having such an iron will and I would not be able to do it myself. Wrong. I can and I do. Or more accurately, I don’t. Best to all! xx
I thought something about you ‘behind your back’ today. I saw you in the supermarket and I thought there goes Lotta. Her words and her website are the most important tool I have used to stay sober (497 days). What an amazing gift she’s given me. Thank you.. I didn’t say hi as I thought the best return gift I could give you was ‘quiet enjoyment’ of your shopping ha!
Yes @mrs_d. Well said. I even had that thought this morning “oh i won’t get invited to the wine tasting thing next weekend”. I was out hiking because I’m on day two and have no hangover. Yay. And then asked myself how much did I care if missed wine tasting anyway? Firstly. I’d have to drink slow like a normie…. Secondly my hubbby doesn’t drink so he’d be bored. Thirdly how much money would I spend that I could spend on new tack for my horse?? And lastly how long til I made a dick of myself??? Boom.
So spot on with those negative thoughts. i find it helps me to think of other AF people I know who I like and I realise I never think that nonsense of them.
I think they have already thought the worst of me when I drank. Like how they didn’t want to be around me because I was a mean drunk.
How I wasn’t any fun because I got so drunk they had to take care of me. And I know me & my husband didn’t get invited places because I acted so awful when I drank.
So, they can think I’m a recovering alcoholic which is lots better than what they thought before.
Yep! A lot of people will call us ‘alcoholics’ behind our backs; I prefer the term ‘problem drinker’ !
But we have the last laugh! A lot of them are also ‘ problem drinkers’ and are waking up with hangovers every morning!
It might sound superior, but we are the ones who have had the guts to admit
to having a problem with alcohol! All The Power to us who are ‘Living Sober’ !
Well said elliott
Exactly!
This mad me LOL x
Same is true for me. I am weak to negative thinking whenever I am vulnerable. I think I used to control my feelings of vulnerability by pounding them down with a couple bottles of wine.
So rather than just having one negative thought we keep on lumping more and more into the pile to be sifted through and finally discarded once sense prevails….or put to one side only to be mulled over at the next low ebb.
Well said Lotta. Xxxx
Well said Mrs D …. love your honesty!! I’m only on day 10 of my sobriety but it’s good to know what I’ve got to look foward to 😉 xx
Yes, yes, yes! My stoopid brain does the same. Thank goodness there’s always tomorrow! Xo
Love this – I am so guilty of these negative thoughts at times, when I am low & vulnerable. Thanks for sharing x